BY K.L. DASH
HI My name is K.L. I’m a dancer. I'm a singer. I'm an actress. I'm a professional princess and I'm a former pageant girl. Oh yeah, and im a female pro-wrestler - well aspiring anyway. I'm probably nothing great but I dream to be someday. Read this blog, leave me questions. Get a view into "the biz", my mind, and all the places you never knew you wanted to go.
The Bump Journal – Reflection
Recently my trainer and I were discussing new students – so many come for one week, presumably wake up the next morning feeling the way I did (described In TBJ-Stronger) and never come back – basically it boils down to mind over matter. In this brief conversation He stated, “I know you have the mental ability to be here, but you’re still working on the physical ability to be here.” Get this straight, without him needing to tell me all the time, I know he believes in me and wants me there – he wasn’t putting me down at all. I obviously want to be there, as I have been month after month, but still – getting body slammed & suplexed by men much stronger and 100 pounds or more heavier than me – I still get pained quickly and ache longer. He knows I am mentally in this… but can see the pain on me.
Since I was a child, things that have happened to me, I think I have always worn pain. It was always a scowl or clenched teeth. I wore it as extra pounds in my preteen years, and unhealthy loss of those pounds later as an early teen. I wore it as a back and forth weight struggle in my mid teens years that journeyed into my early adulthood, strewn here and there with indulgence. I wore it in bazaar colored hair that changed weekly, far out or tight or low cut clothing or new piercings or made up habits. My over the top ways were a reflection of my pain and a deflection of attention. Yes, these things DO call attention to oneself, but draw attention FROM ones strife.
Things – evil – that has happened to me, they make for hurt and pain and hate and sadness and anger. It was these things that drowned my dreams with fear, buried my hope with fury, and slaughtered my confidence in desolation.
I did not feel happy.
I did not feel healthy.
I did not feel pretty.
I did not feel confident.
I did not know who I was. I looked in the mirror and saw K.L. of the flesh, but a monster of the spirit and heart.
In short, Mulan is the story of a girl disguising herself as something shes not to fight a battle that is not hers to save a family that could ultimately be ashamed of the way she has saved them.
Everyone else saw one thing, when she was really another.
A reflection can be a scary, misguided, and confusing thing
Come back next week to find how I was freed of expectations, and uncloaked from hiding.
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