BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SHIA LABARF
I only watched “Even Stevens” because I had a crush on “Ren Stevens” and that weird gothy friend of Shai LaBarf. He’s just an annoying presence. As a kid it was okay because he was the annoying little brother. Now he’s that annoying stubble faced entitled douche bag. I saw “Holes”, “Eagle Eye”, and the one where he’s on house arrest and makes the Asian kid do his dirty work. He’s not good. I don’t get the appeal. He might be a cool guy in person, but in interviews he seems like a douche and he’s a fairly subpar actor. He’s like if Screech got one or two extra “cool” chromosomes
(THREE) PAST EMPLOYMENT OF MEGAN FOX
I KNOW THEY FIRED HER. That’s cool. I mention her here, even though she was fired awhile ago now, because the Transformers franchise is responsible for making this disgraceful dumb girl as famous as she is. Her star is fading quickly, but it’s not quick enough. She’s a bitch and went off in ways no one should go off in public. She talked smack about crews, other actors, and the director. She didn’t just talk shit, but she did in public and used some really tasteless metaphors. She is void of emotion, charisma, and personality. She is a mannequin with mobility. She is a Angelina Jolie rip off, but lacks the presence and acting skills. Yes she’s attractive, but that dead look in her eyes makes it hard for me to enjoy the view. .
(TWO) MICHAEL BAY
I will give the dude credit. He directed the music video “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. Other than that, I got no love. I don’t hate on the guy like I do LaBarf and Fox, it’s more of a disappointment with me. This guy has worked with Lucas and Spielberg. He has taken in works from some of the greats. He took this experience, turned around, and started making the most cliché pop corn movies I’ve ever seen. I’ve not seen ANY substance come from anything he’s done. He directed a few movies that I’d say were decent like The Rock, Bad Boys, and that’s really it. He produces a lot of shit too. He’s just a perfect example of opportunity wasted on the non-artist.
(ONE) GOBOTS
Why would you want to see this movie to begin with? Unless you’re like 12 years old or have the mentality of one you should know better than this. These movies are shitty looking. In the movie “Idiocracy”, the people were really dumb and liked dumb things. This franchise puts us one step closer to that. I don’t see the appeal here. There’s cooler action, cooler big budget movies, cooler hot chicks, and cooler everything. Did you like Transformers as a kid SO much that you just HAD to watch these movies? Well, how do you feel now? Dumber and disappointed, I bet. You like action movies? There is better. Do you like retro returns? Again, there’s better. Do you like turning your brain off and not thinking? There are lobotomies to suite your needs. Look into it.
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