BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) TALKING ANIMALS
Dr. Dolittle and a million more. It’s okay when we’re talking about the classic characters like Bugs and the Looney Toons, Mickey and the Disney peeps, Kermit and the Muppets, etc. etc. I can also go along with the Chipmunks, Yogi, and the other less as loved ones. Why do we need any more than that? Dr. Dolittle and all the other lame family movies suck. It just doesn’t end. Every few years a washed up comedy star will show up starring in one of these monstrosities. I HATE seeing animals talk. It’s confusing and scary.
(THREE) SPORT CAR MOVIES
A big blame would easily be the Fast and Furious flicks, but it does go beyond that. It’s not JUST them. There are more, but they’re the shitty B-action movies. Everyone knows that B-action movies need to be in a jungle! NOT on a race track. To me it’s more to it that just the sports car, it’s the personality of those who watch the movie and the characters in the movie. It’s the cavemen with small motor skills who wear Axe body spray and drink lots of energy drinks for no real reason.
(TWO) RICH & PRIVILEGED NEW YORK INDIES
I like New York movies. I’ve never been, but I love what Woody Allen has created in my mind as what New York really is. Even more with others outside of Allen’s work. There are tons of great New York movies. Too many to count. One trend that bothers me is all the rich and priveledged trust fund chacters in New York. They take the city by storm! They party a little too hard! They go to the best fancy clubs! They know the best artsty underground dives! They wear scarves in September! They have an ethnic friend! They have a gay friend! They have an ethnic gay friend! They’re rich! They’re privileged! They’re rich AND privileged! I get it. These people are probably making movies about what they know, but c’mon. Screw Buffy’s coke overdose!
(ONE) EMO’D UP MYTHOLOGIES
So how bad ass and cool were vampires BEFORE Twilight? Yeah. They rocked. How cool were werewolves? How about Spiderman? Superman? Beauty and the Beast? Freddy Kruger? All of these characters and mythologies have been emo’d up in the past few years. Twilight vamps turn to glitter or some shit when they get hit by light? GLITTER! Count Dracula is rolling over in his casket right now. The same people who like Justin Bieber should NOT be loving vampires, they should be having nightmares about them.
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