BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) CAPTAIN AMERICA
Thor would be a little too uncomfortable and I’m pretty sure Captain America is a way better movie. It was the best comic book movie to come out this year and why not? People are going to always go with whatever is the most popular comic book movie character. Kids do it and sadly a lot of adults. If it’s not Joker, it’s Freddy, it’s Iron Man, it’s Batman, etc.
(THREE) TEEN MOM
This one is easy. Algebra book, “juicy” sweat pants, pig tails, maybe an “I Heart Bieber” shirt, too many “sex” bracelets, a red Dixie cup, and then we have three options. You can go with a pillow in your belly so you look preggo, you can carry around a baby doll, OR my pick of the pillow baby AND the baby doll. This is normally tasteless, but apparently people LOVE teen moms from all the TV time they get.
(TWO) SUICICIDAL ANIMAL TRAINER
Oh, shut up. This is funny. It’s over and done with. We can’t change history so let’s just laugh at the bizarreness of this situation. Dress up like an animal trailer, but then add the same effects you’d wear as a zombie. From there you have two choices. You can get an animal net and cut the bottom out of it OR you can get a whole bunch of random stuffed animals and let them free.
(ONE) ZOMBIE STEVE JOBS
I’m sure you have an ipod, ipad, iMac, iphone, and iEverything. Make yourself look like a nerdy zombie and bam! You’re zombie Steve! Then from there walk around pimping everyone’s items as your own i-stuff. Does your friend have a dog? It’s now Zombie Steve Job’s new “i-Dog!” Is there a random bottle of beer in your hand? It’s now Zombie Steve Job’s new “i-Beer!” You get the point. This is only offensive if you’ve overpaid for whatever you’re reading this on.
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