BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SHINEDOWN
They’re generic and if you like then your ears are generic. Shinedown is the type of rock band that makes me really want to explore other music genres. It’s lame rock music with really fake sounding “Lynyrd Skynyrd” vocals. Their singles are crap too. I hope this band breaks up and goes on to play in real projects.
(THREE) HINDER
See all the crap I wrote about Shinedown? Yeah… same deal here. Hinder is generic rock disguised as “deep and passionate” rock. People crying into their Miller Lites at shitty bars sing along to Hinder and know all the shitty words. “Lips of an Angel” is like a fucking prom song. It’s pop rock. It’s gritty Jonas Brothers covered in every cliché rock music has.
(TWO) MATCHBOX TWENTY
They were really popular in the late 90’s and got played tons. I remember their singles “Push”, “Back 2 Good”, “3 AM”, and other catchy shitfests. That’s the thing. They were catchy and played a lot… but they were still shitfests. I probably would have just brushed them off as a prehistoric Maroon 5, but Rob Thomas went out there and did solo shit. That solo shit made my brain store more of his vocal enhanced farts inside of it. Because of that, the whole band suffers. If you like Matchbox Twenty you’re probably someone who owns more than two turtle necks.
(ONE) NEW FOUND GLORY
Remember Sum 41 or Yellowcard? If so then you’d probably stick up for New Found Glory when I said they were poop. If there is anything about this band that stands out it is that the lead singer looks like Tarintino. Their music was disposable nonsense. Sure it wasn’t as shitty as some of the pop rock stuff, but they were just irrelevant. The sad thing is that I guess they’re still a band. I would have thought… and hoped… they’d stop by now.
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