BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) ICE TEA
Ice Tea isn’t generally super cold. It’s a nice cold beverage, but it’s nothing too cold. If it were too icey, you couldn’t drink it. Ice Tea was a pimp and controversial as anyone could be back in the day, but now he’s a cop on Law and Order and shows up in the background of Coco’s booty pics.
(THREE) SNOW
It has to be like 32 degrees for it to snow. That’s cold, but not super cold. A LOT of snow and freezing temperatures is the setting for a lot of “survival” movies and books. A snow ball thrown in your face sucks, but anything thrown in your face sucks…. Except maybe money. Speaking of “money”… That “Informer” song was money. It’s the only song I know by the white rapper, but it’s a classic.
(TWO) VANILLA ICE
This isn’t vanilla ice cream. This is vanilla ICE. I don’t think I’ve ever had it, but I imagine it as flakes of flavored ice. Like those Lemon and Line Italian Ice things they sell at baseball parks. It’s edible and I’m sure a treat for children or really weird French people. I dunno. Vanilla Ice was a huge success in the early 90’s in his pop rap genius. He’s still out there doing small shows and tearing it up. Last I heard he was doing a home make-over/repair show on one of the cable channels.
(ONE) ICE CUBE
It’s solid ice. An ice cube is a literal chunk of frozen water. While people do snack on them, it’s normally used to make things colder. It’s literally the ingredient that makes Ice Tea Ice Tea. It’s a bigger and more compound version of Snow. It’s Vanilla Ice without the vanilla and dessert vibe. It’s a chunk of frozen water. The rapper used to be part of the “most dangerous rap group of all time”… he made the R-Rated stoner comedy classic “Friday”…. THEN he’s doing kid movies and becoming the angry black version of Brendan Frazier. Still, in name, he’s still the coldest. That is until “DJ Dry Ice” or “MC Liquid Nitrogen” hits the scene…
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