BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) CABBAGE PATCH
It’s basically like you’re holding a baby carriage or grocery cart, but moving your arms in a “stirring motion”. You can add you own swagger and smoothness to this. I’m sure there are people who have never attempted this dance move before… but they can do it. Even in private, there aren’t many PG things one can do that is as self gratifying as doing the Cabbage Patch.
(THREE) ELECTRIC SLIDE
This stupid dance has been around for way too long. I hate it. I wish it never existed and I curse the beast who created it. I think it was Gloria Estefan. If that IS that case, I take back anything negative I said about her. She’s too precious for hate. This “dance” is more like a slow-motion exercise routine. It’s like “Simon Says”, but he keeps saying the same shitty motions over and over. Still… if you have to be part of society you need to know this.
(TWO) RUNNING MAN
I’m bias to this one. It’s basically “funny exercise”. It’s running in place and looking silly while doing so. There is absolutely no “cool way” to “The Running Man”. I think that’s what I like about it. It’s like sneezing while mercifully holding in a fart… there is no possible way you’re going to look “cool” while doing it. It’s like the person has given up. “Well, I’m done with social acceptance and love… I might as well do the running man!”.
(ONE) HOKEY POKEY
Doing the Hokey Pokey is like saying the Pledge of Allegiance. You’re used to doing it and its part of your routine before you even understand its importance. Of course the pledge is what it is, but the Hokey Pokey is nothing to joke about it. Many people learned their “lefts and right’s” from this song. I read once in a book that back during the 40’s if someone put their left foot in and DIDN’T shake it all about they’d be called in for treason. This is all true.
|
