BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) LAMB OF GOD
I like metal, but I love being able to decipher lyrics and harmony. Lamb of God is shit. Musically, I get the talent. It’s not easy to play as fast as you can and still manage something resembling a melody. It’s the vocals that kill any potential connection for me. It’s just growling and screaming. What’s the appeal in that? What’s the skill in that? I’m sure there is a science to it, but how is that displaying any form of talent other than “hey look! I can sound like an apathetic monster”.
(THREE) KISS
Has there ever been such a sucky band? These guys are clowns. I have no problem with a little glam, but their face paint and costume was just lame. Their image, their music, their status, and their legacy is a joke and overrated. I don’t care about the “Rock and roll all night” singles. They made pop music with an “edgy” gimmick. I have never EVER heard Kiss come on and thought “Yes! It’s Kiss!” It’s ALWAYS an inconvenience. They’re not even good in a fun ironic drunken way.
(TWO) OASIS
It’s not that Oasis is the worst band of all time or anything. The band members just suck. They had a big big break out and then a couple singles. They put themselves in the same sentence as The Beatles like a million too many times. They were never going to touch the success of those guys. They still could have had a nice thing going, but the two brothers Gallagher just couldn’t manage to get along. Too many egos and not enough hits. I know they’re big in the UK, but so is soccer…
(ONE) TED NUGENT
Okay… “Stranglehold” and “Cat Scratch Fever”. Now that I got that out of the way… now what? This crazy man has no other hits. He’s been around forever playing middle of the road venues and pushing his political agenda on the world. He’s a huge advocate of killing things and he seems to have some sort of secret wish of “the south rising again”. Unless you’re part of the lower portion of evolution and agree with his “stances” then I don’t see the appeal. I’m not directly saying anything, but I’m pretty sure Ted “knows where to buy the rope.”
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