BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) MITT ROMNEY
If you keep pictures around of old Halloweens and like explaining to people what your costume was then this is it! What would happen if someone went to a Halloween party as John Kerry or John McCain? No one would have any idea who you were unless you explicitly screamed what you were as you walked into a room. No one is going to know. They’re going to think you were a vampire with dental work.
(THREE) SUPER HIPSTER
The tight skinny jeans, the plaid rodeo shirts, weird facial hair, a fedora, black rimmed glasses, an iphone, a PBR, a man-bag, and like four things I don’t even know about yet. Then you need a nice scarf. I’m pretty sure the scarf acts as the cape in this outfit. The only weapon you get is a picket sign.
(TWO) OLYMPIC MEDALIST
This shouldn’t be too hard. You just gotta get an American shirt and a fake medal. You tell people you won Bronze in shuffleboard or something no one watches at all. If you’re a bigger guy say you’re a discus thrower or something that’d make sense. You just have to make sure it’s believable. There is no reason anyone should doubt you’re not an American hero.
(ONE) ZOMBIE LINDSAY LOHAN
R.I.P. Lindsay Lohan. You will be missed. All you need to do is get some trashy women’s clothing, a red wig to wear under a blond wig, alcohol, an ankle bracelet, and more drugs than you need. Then you drink the alcohol and run into a wall repeatedly until you’ve wasted all of your potential and glamor. Rinse and repeat.
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