BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) ENCYCLOPEDIAS
I miss encyclopedias. These were books full of any information we’d need as children all organized in a series of heavy and inconvenient books categorized alphabetically. These things were so popular and important for years that people would actually have the job title of “Encyclopedia Salesman”. Now we don’t need these books anymore. We have all the information we’d want and all the information we’d never want at our fingertips thanks to the internet. The fact that kids don’t have to lug three Encylopedia volumes home in their backpack is not fair. I want people to have information and knowledge, but unless we fill these backpacks with bricks or something these new tech kids are missing out on pre-teen back pain. No fair.
(THREE) THOSE FAT PENCILS
I remember in kindergarten and the years around that time we’d be given this really fat pencils to use on things. I never understood why and I really don’t know. Why weren’t we given normal size pencils instead? We’d get used to them quicker and maybe even better at writing, penmanship, and sharpening. That’s another thing. Did these fat pencils have special sharpeners. I don’t necessarily want to use a fat pencil, but I’d love to see them back in the rotation. I’d love to see an adult pull out some big fat pencil to fill out a form or something. Having options would be nice. Screw this monopoly that the number twos have on this market.
(TWO) HEAD OF THE CLASS
Howard Hesseman moved on from WKRP in 82 and in 86 he found himself back on TV as the teacher of really smart kids. The whole concept was a cool hippy-ish teacher would teach this collection of smart kids about life and vice versa. It doesn’t seem like an amazing idea or anything, but the acting was good, the characters distinct and funny, and the writing was way ahead of it’s time for the mid-80’s. I remember watching this show as a small child. It was probably my first TV exposure to intellectual sitcom banter. I sure as hell wasn’t getting that from “Who’s The Boss?”
(ONE) GEORGE CARLIN
I miss George Carlin. I never got to see him live. I was really close one time and wanted to more than a few times when he was in the Chicagoland area. Since he died I’ve taken in hundreds of new comedians and rediscovered hundreds more. There is some great stand ups out there, but if we’re going to be honest about it no one comes close to George Carlin. His stand up specials are still as valid today as they’d be ten or twenty years ago. There is so many new fads, new problems, new historical events, and experiences that I wish Carlin could rant about. What would he say about Twitter? How about Snooki? Or what about George’s take on gun control? I miss that guy.
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