BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) HOW DO TEENAGE CLOWNS BE REBELLIOUS?
When you have a family full of clowns, growing pains are a thing you’re just going to have to deal with. I would assume everything a real family goes through would be the things a clown family would go through. One thing is teenage rebellion. How do teenage clowns rebel? Do they use darker make up? Make their flowers squirt pepper spray? Take a little too long to pull the rabbit out of the hat? Make balloon weapons? It just doesn’t seem all that feisty.
(THREE) SNORKLES AND STRAWS ARE KIND OF THE SAME THING.
If someone doesn’t own the copy rights on BOTH the snorkel and the straw then someone is getting screwed. They ARE the same thing. A straw is small and a snorkel is big. A general tube would be the “medium” in this equation. Now I’m considering the idea of drinking with a snorkel, but never trying to survive with a straw.
(TWO) EXCESSIVE SIDE EFFECTS.
I know this is a joke and something people make fun of all the time. It’s still interesting and crazy to think about. If you have an illness or a problem and need a pill or medication then that’s awesome and you should use what you need. The problem is that some medications offer so many side effects that it seems like the original illness would easier to just deal with. I guess having a headache is so bad that sometimes having the possibility of death, diarrhea, and dysentery is A-okay. I wish that was an extreme exaggeration, but I’m really underselling it. Watch some TV and catch some of these medication commercials. Its 10 seconds of a sales pitch and 50 seconds of an announcer rapidly reading tons of dirty details. Awesome.
(ONE) THREATS TO CANCEL FACEBOOK.
So you’re tired of social media and you want out? You’re tired of the pictures? The interaction? The silly posts? Opinions you don’t agree with? To paraphrase a quote from the great thespian Anthony Anderson “BURN THAT MOTHER DOWN, POOKIE!” Or are you just bored? Lonely? Not getting the social media attention you want? Feeling like crap? There are a million literal and psychological reasons to want to avoid facebook. My issue are the people who will put up some big pouty message threatening to cancel their facebook, shut their page off, leave for a while, or even just cut their friends down. JUST DO IT!” Unfriend” me, shut you page down, and move on. What’s with the bullshit threat? It’s sad business.
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