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"5 Things I Wish Were American"
07.29.11
BY KAY-ELLE DASH

Holy Hell Batman! I totally forgot an entire week went by! Sorry readers, I DID forget about you last Friday… I must have eaten something blue…

Five things I wish were American… why? Well because America needs to have ownership of something way more cool than a black president, Africa did that a wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long time ago…

5. French fries: I am pretty sure they are from America or we at least came up with the waffle fries (I WILL NOT let the Belgians take credit for that) but all in all I want them to be called not French fries. I know during September 11 times because the French did not want to back us someone wanted them to be “freedom” fries but there is nothing freeing about deep fat fried potato strips… and if I bake them are they French bakes?

4. Trader Joes: It’s an amazing organic kinda hipster place but the food is vegetarian friendly (meaning they have a wide variety without me having to read every ingredient) (also, they are wayyyyy NOT just vegetarian… they have a wide variety of everything!) and super-di-dooper delicious! I think they are owned by the same person as Aldi that I am pretty sure is German.

3. Canada: It’s said to be like a little America anyway – which WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY isn’t true. Canada is a true melting pot of all mostly white descendant places, meaning they are a great trail mix of America, France, the UK, Germany etc. there are way too many cool Canadian things we Americans don’t get to know about

2. Guacamole: Yes the Mexican dip of delicious-ness! Mainly because it is so delicious I wish America should have created something so delicious (except myself ;] ) also it is fatty but the good fats that help break down bad fats & nourish the shine of your hair & such. Also a certain something in the avocado (the main ingredient or guacamole) has been found to jump-start your sex drive – oo la la! AND FINALLY……….. DRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMDADADADADUMMMMMMMMMMM

1. Trailer Park Boys: It’s a Canadian TV show, that like, cameras follow people around. Very office, parks & recreation, Reno 911-ish except they did it first so score (another) one for Canadians! I can’t even begin to describe to you how fantastic this show is. It can be streamed live through netflix. (Is netflix American?) Also, while you are checking out trailer park boys the three same actor/comedians just began a new show this month called the “Drunk and On Drugs Happy Funtime Hour – it’s TOTALLY different yet amazing in its own way – however – because number three is not true, we south of their boarder Americans cannot see this show unless you are internet IP Address savvy & know how to make yourself a temporary internet Canadian! (While I am at it one of the stars – John Paul Tremblay –NEEDS to be American because he is one FINE specimen of man – ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!)




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