BY KEITH EVANS
(Composed: 08/31/10)
Greetings & Salutations from the clinker. Yes, I’m still in jail. Lake County has seen fit to deny me any kind of modificiatoon, therefore keeping me hostage until October 18th, 2010. Apparently my real judge deems it necessary to be “unattainable”, once again leaving all decisions to the magistrate judge. Am I saying Judge Moss would’ve approved what Magistrate Judge Belziski denied? Definitely. Hell, if Moss was actually there for my “probation revocation” I wouldn’t even be here, but I digress.
After being transferred to the “Trustee” section of the main jail for 2 specific reasons; a) Some f*ckface chump stain sent word to the Work Release officers that he felt threatened by me (Hilarious!) and b.) A prolonged wait for my modification hearing, I’ve realized why people with my level of intelligence, wit, and common sense aren’t very well received under these conditions. Unfortunately my ability to use these things for evil (aka manipulation, belittling, and chaos) is all I have for “self-pleasure”, so to speak. No one writes, with the exception of the 3 pieces of, dare I label, fan mail (It’s weird to say that, though even one of them confirms that’s what they are, Thanks MorbidMark J.). Be that as it may, no continuances of personal correspondence, though, it’s fair to say, I’m way used to that at this point, for when I go to jail, I’m generally dead to so called “loved ones”.
Masturbating is an option I’ve never sampled in this situation. Excuse me if my surroundings are a factor. Besides, as dirty and germ infested as this facility is, I’d rather not pull my dick out and expose poor Jefferson Skeetmeyer (yeah, that’s what I’ve named him as of late, problem?) to these conditions.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I yearn for “interactions”, preferably of the intellectual, comedic, creative and/or female variety, and while I have come across (not literally) a few inmates and correctional officers who possibly house at least one of these qualities, these individuals are fewer and farther between than they are in the outside world. Speaking of the outside world, I recently read about Paris Hilton’s recent brush with the law. And people question my reasons for wanting fame. Yes, getting away with murder is as comfortably convenient as it sounds. Ms. Hilton and Mr. Evans, same basic situation, two completely different outcomes. Though, to be fair, I’m positive she probably possessed far more than a “teenager”(which kinda makes my point prevalent) and to be even MORE fair, I’m sure I might’ve possibly possessed as much as her, if not more, if I were in Las Vegas at the time.
I miss my daughter like Louisiana gulf sea life misses decent H2O. Hell, in total contradiction to prior statements, I miss Amy Woerpel’s negative outlook on my dreams and goals. I guess hearing my baby’s mother’s angry tone ISN’T worse than jail. You can’t hang up on jail… or can you?
Editors Note:
To send Keith “Fan Mail” please write:
Keith Evans, SEC. 1E
Lake County Jail
2293 N. Main St
Crown Point, IN 46307
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