BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
I am such a jaded WWE fan. I hate to say it, but I am. The problem is that I don’t want to be so negative and pessimistic about the thing that I watch more hours than anything else. I watch wrestling because I love it. I am connected to it for the rest of my life. As a child I loved it and was in awe, as a teenager I enjoyed the rebellion of the Attitude era and in my 20’s I was able to appreciate the entire process. Maybe my expectations are too high for today’s landscape, but I can’t unhinge my standards. WrestleMania is less than two weeks ago and I am sadly indifferent.
Am I alone?
The CM Punk “pipe bomb” thing from a few years ago was the best work in years. It was hyped up as a scene changer the way the original “Austin 3:16” promo was. It allowed CM Punk to rally a whole bunch of naive teenagers and dumb adults to think the WWE was going to change. That the standard fare nonsense we were all tired of was going to be a thing of the past. That greener pastures were ahead.
It was a work, folks. We were worked. It was a lie. It was fake.
It was a wrestling promo on a television show. That’s all it was. It was a well performed piece by a guy who said it with conviction because it was on the same wave of how it really felt. It wasn’t a “shoot”. A “shoot” is when something is real. This wasn’t “real” so it’s not a “shoot”. The term “worked shoot” is an oxymoron.
So where did this take us? Punk and Daniel Bryan would rise. Along these two at the front of the card others would start to get attention. For a short while the WWE was really pushing smaller guys. For some reason the idea of a “smaller guy” hits closer to home with the internet wrestling community. It’s attached to the stigma and forced glory of paying your dues on the independent scene. We see Punk or D-Bry and we see hard working dudes who are cool enough to hang out with and great enough to “make it”. It’s a “dream come true” type of feeling for the fans to live through. It’s “big guy discrimination”. We see a Luke Harper, a Roman Reigns, a Ryback or other big guy and we lose that connection. Despite the fact these dudes paid their dues and were fans for life. Meanwhile dudes like Dolph Ziggler, who never worked indies AT ALL or a Cody Rhodes, who had a bit of an advantage getting started in the business get a “internet wrestling” pass.
None of this matters. All that matter is the performance. We have a hard time seeing past that sometimes. As an internet fan you get caught up in cycles. If it’s not the whole “big man” complaints, it’s Vince or Triple H “burying” people, it’s TNA being crazy, it’s Hulk Hogan’s publicity stunts, or it’s so-and-so “drunk Tweeted” this or that.
We just look for reasons to complain. It’s the worst of normal sport fans coming together with the worst of reality TV fans coming together to butt-heads and gossip. We all love wrestling. Isn’t that enough?
Sadly, the WWE is doing NOTHING to change this. They continue to oversaturate their product with more and more content. There is so much going on in the WWE that it’s almost too much to really take in. I know for a fact that I’ve gone into “WWE shut down mode” once I miss a few days of news or programming.
There is nothing to engage in. Daniel Bryan’s “Yes!” chant is epic. He is going to go down as one of the greatest of all time. I really hope everyone is appreciating the times right now. We are seeing this guy get closer and closer to hitting his career peak that it’s pretty much history in the making. The problem is the storyline around it. The whole “Authority” storyline is crap. It’s a paint-by-numbers feud. They tried to play both sides of the fence and throw some lame subtle stuff out there, but once it actually kicked into “WrestleMania” season the whole thing has been a crap fest. So we keep watching Daniel Bryan get knocked down by the Authority and then we’re supposed to cheer louder every time he gets back up until the boiling point where he overcomes the odds and the place erupts. It’s not enjoyable. Triple H and Stephanie just aren’t hitting the right marks. It feels forced and the logic involved is bad even for wrestling logic. Vince McMahon was a much more entertaining foil to Steve Austin. I want to see Daniel Bryan have the biggest and best moments possible, but at this point I’m so worn out from the months of bad stories that it won’t nearly be as magical as it could have been.
Then there’s CM Punk. Remember that whole “Where’s Undertaker?” thing from the summer of 1994 where Leslie Neilson would go around looking for Taker in short and funny segments? Probably not, but they DID happen. That’s what I think about with this CM Punk “leaving” stuff. If he were really gone you’d see him show up at independent shows, posting shit online, starting new ventures and capitalizing on the attention he’s getting from the mystery to push a new agenda or plan. There’s no “yes, I’m leaving and now I’m going to…” conversations just as much as there are not a “no, I’m not gone. I’ll be back on…” talks. There is something MORE to this. Is he injured? Taking a vacation? Writing a book? Working on a movie on the DL? I even heard the very doubtful and stupid rumor that he failed a drug test and was taking his suspension. That last one is pretty laughable, but there’s something to the other possibilities. Wrestling’s Henry Rollins will be back before too long. It’s clearly part of a bigger picture plan. It might be circumstantial, but it’s all going to play out. Even if I’m wrong about this I’ve already exasperated myself by exploring the possibilities.
The Network is cool, but not as mind blowing as we’d want. Daniel Bryan is most likely going to be the Main Event of WrestleMania 30 but it’s the result of a tiresome storyline. The Wyatts and The Shield are throwing fresh air into the company, but are slowly and surely altered and watered down to meet the status quo of the normal WWE machine.
Basically, if you’re having a great time watching the WWE right now then good for you. Enjoy it before you become jaded like the rest of us.
*insert eye roll*
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