[MUSIC] THE SAVAGE ANIMAL "Top 10 Songs with Instructions"
06.29.11
BY MIKEY MIGO
Music provides us with a lot. It’s a form of art we can appreciate, it’s expression we can connection to, it’s a groove we can dance to, it’s a ballad we can cry to, it’s memories, it’s everything. Music can cut to the core and go into the deepest depths of a soul as one will allow.
Sometimes music is just bossy.
I put probably way too much thought into this, but I came up with a list of ten songs with instructions. Some are popular choices for weddings, some are dances, and some are just odd-ball songs that are trying to tell us what to do WITH instructions. I’m 100% positive this list is incomplete. I’m sure that I’m missing some obvious tunes. That’s fine. Share your picks if you’d like. If not, sit there, read this, and stop gritting your teeth.
X. ”WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN” by THE BANGLES
Instructions:”… Walk like an Egyptian…”
I was barely out of diapers when this song came out, but I think even then little Mikey MiGo knew this was hot and sexy. As an adult not much has changed. There is something really sultry about the vocals in this song. I won’t lie, I have no idea what any of the other lyrics are other than “oh yay oh” and “walk like an Egyptian”. But dammit, if they want me to walk like a penguin I’m going to highly consider it.
IX. ”JUMPER” by THIRD EYE BLIND
Instructions:”I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in. And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand…”
This song was cool and all, but I think they shot themselves in the foot with giving us knowledge that they’d understand if we never wanted to see them again. To most people, this is the only exposure of Third Eye Blind we got. It’s cool if we avoid them… they understand! In recent years this song got a little attention when Jim Carrey sang in it in a movie. It’s a decent song and it has a good message, but you can skip this one. They understand! I like how this one tries help people in hard times, but on the other side of the coin I hope anyone in this situation does not hear the next song on this list…
VIII. ”JUMP” by VAN HALEN
Instructions:”Might as well jump. Jump ! Might as well jump. Go ahead, jump. Jump ! Go ahead, jump.”
I have often claimed this song as the most upbeat suicide song of all time. Imagine your life is coming undone and you’re on a ledge. Out of nowhere you hear the wailing riffs, awesome synth, and amazing voice that was this version, the only real version, of Van Halen. You are literally told to JUMP! In a more “non-weird” sense, this is a great rock song. We are told that we might as well jump. I know other songs tell us to jump or to “jump around”, but I don’t think the world even knew what jumping was until DLR preached the good preach.
VII. ”THE TWIST” by CHUBBY CHECKER
Instructions:”Come on, baby, let's do the twist!...”
It was released in 1960 and then covered two years later by Chubby Checker. That’s the version we all know and love. There are plenty of songs with their own dance. Off the bat, “Electric Slide” and the “Macarena” come to mind. The difference is that these songs leave it up to the dance floor to explain the rules. “The Twist” takes that extra step and tells us what to do and when to do. Anything that gets a female’s hips moving is cool in my book.
VI. ”THE CHA CHA SLIDE” by DJ CASPER
Instructions:”…Turn it down, to the left, Take it back now ya’ll, 1 hop this time, right foot let’s stomp, Left foot let’s stomp, Cha Cha now ya’ll..”
It’s hard to believe this song is well over ten years old now, but not by much. I vaguely remember this video from my high school days. I thought it was stupid then and I still do now. This guy has pulled some magic. DJ Casper/”Mr. C” is from Chicago so that’s cool, but his is a watered down dance techno song. Now arenas, school dances, and other places designated for “fun” play this song or at least some variation of it. The only cool part is the “now everybody clap your hands!”. I refuse to participate in any other rule this song lays down.
V. ”WALK THIS WAY” by AEROSMITH
Instructions:”Walk this way, talk this way… Walk this way, walk this way… Walk this way, walk this way… Walk this way, talk this way… Just gimme a kiss… Like this!...”
Clearly this is one of the coolest rock songs of all time. This live 1977 rendition is gritty and raw, but the song doesn’t lose any of its impact. We are told to walk THIS way, talk THIS way, and to give Steven Tyler a kiss. I have to decline the last part, but still. That riff is amazing.
IV. ”TOOTSEE ROLL” by 69 BOYZ
Instructions:”To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right. To the front, to the front, to the back, to the back. Now dip baby dip, come on let's dip baby dip baby. Dip baby just dip, baby dip baby dip. Just Dip, Cotton Candy sweet and low…let me see that tootsie roll..”
In 1994 the world was a much different place. Large groups of people had no problem in provocative dancing. I remember doing this at a Halloween party as kid. The rules were rough for a small child who had trouble with his lefts and rights, but the song was cool enough. This song still gets referenced by cool people. Translation, I bring this song up a lot. Like I said, I was a kid at the time so anyone older might be able to answer this for me. Was there a really big problem with people getting this song confused with “the butterfly” because they seem to go out of their way to make sure we know it’s NOT. And the Orlando Magic jerseys were cool too. This was when pop/dance rap and the Orlando Magic was cool.
III. ”SAFETY DANCE” by MEN WITHOUT HATS
Instructions:”We can dance if we want to.We can leave your friends behind. 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,… well they're no friends of mine…”
Holy shit. There is a live version of this song. I hate to say it but this song was so awesome that the band’s name and existence was lost within its magic. I know that’s not fair to Men Without Hats, but they made one of the greatest songs of all time. They should be happy with that. I always pictured them more DEVO-like. Apparently not the case. The lyrics here are way deeper than I remembered. We are told we CAN dance, but it seems like we have to leave our friends who don’t dance behind. Kind of harsh, but who are we to argue with Men Without Hats?
II. ”TIME WARP” by RICHARD O’BRIEN
Instructions:”It’s just a jump to the left, a step to the right, you bring your knees in tight, with your hands on your hip you bring your knees in tight, then the pelvic thrust, hip swivel, and then do the time warp AGAIN…”
If you’ve gotten then far in life without doing “The Time Warp” then you’ve failed. The Rocky Horror Picture show is a far from perfect movie. I went weekly for a small period, but I never got how people could go every week for years of their lives. The live experience is MUCH more entertaining than watching at home. I remember going with a friend a few times and we’d just do our own “WWE-verison” that involved Booker T’s “5-Times Hand Shake and Stare”, the Goldust torso rub, and then the Edge and Christian five second pose. That’s how long ago this was. But you notice, I still remember the rules. Even my own.
I. ”HOKEY POKEY” by LARRY LePRISE
Instructions:”You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out, you put your right leg in, and you shake it all about…”
This song traces back a good ways. There are multiple versions and multiple titles that include the original “Hokey Cokey”, “Okey Cokey”, “Cokey Cokey”, and my favorite “Hokey Tokey”. Whatever you call it, it’s pretty much the same. We’re told to put a random body limb in… then out… then in… then out… then we are told to shake it all about. There are a lot of redundant rules to this one. I’m pretty sure this song comes preprogrammed into children’s brains when they’re born. I honestly don’t remember learning this song as a kid. It’s just something I feel like I’ve always known. I’ve done it at multiple school functions and I believe a few drunken weddings. There are certain human traits that feel like they just come natural. It’s because it’s part of the norm of what’s around you. The “Hokey Pokey” is up there with tying your shoe and riding a bike. You just know it… and you MUST follow the rules!
What is YOUR favorite song with instructions?
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