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[MUSIC] THE SAVAGE ANIMAL
"Songs of Personal Embarrassment" |
11/16/11 |
BY MIKEY MIGO
It happens to everyone. Something happens in the presence or in reference to a song that leaves you forever scarred or embarrassed. A few weeks ago I thought about this and felt like I’d come up with a list of dozens of songs that’d fit the description. I’m sure there are more than the six situations, but I had to have blacked them out. I’m sure one day it’ll all come to surface and I’ll go completely crazy but until then…
Here are six embarrassing stories I’ve had in my life that are direct results of a song. I’m not going to rate them, but I will put them in a loose time-line order.
Don’t judge me…
1990/1991
“Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice
I was barely 10 years old at this point. I grew up in Gary, Indiana so I was really the minority in most situations. Most of my friends were black or African American or whatever Al Sharpton is cool with. Meanwhile, I was going to a private Catholic school that was as white bread and suburban as they come. So really, I got the best of two worlds. I’d get my fill on Guns N’ Roses, Aerosmith and other rock stuff and then at home I was exposed really early to Eazy E, NWA, Snoop, and that early 90’s “house music” craze. I remember standing in line for lunch at school and being ridiculed by two people for NOT knowing who Vanilla Ice was. It bothered me to the point that I went out and listened. Of course I LOVED it. I was a young dumb kid that was bullied and peer pressured into owning a copy of “To the Extreme”. This is the earliest point in my life that I can remember being ridiculed for not being up on current trends. It would be a continuing reoccurrence for years to come.
1990/1991
“If I Ever Fall in Love” by Shai
Youtube this song right now. It’s a soulful acappella harmony by a young R&B group from the early 90’s. This was when Boyz II Men were really coming out and blowing up so there were a lot of bands to come out sounding the same. Shai could be considered one of those groups I guess. I had their cassette tape, but I still couldn’t tell you another song of theirs off the top of my head. This song was a really swanky ballad track and as a kid I really liked it and for some reason remembered all the words. This knowledge and power was used for evil. The school I was going to, the same Catholic school that bullied me into Ice Ice Baby, had a talent show coming up. We were to go audition our song to the music teacher after lunch. I went in there and as soulfully as a chubby little white kid in a Catholic school boy uniform could, I sung my ass off. I sang the song to my music teacher and felt like a million bucks. It’s just hitting me now as I type this that I didn’t make the cut because I never sang it in any talent shows. THAT could have been really messy and embarrassing.
1993-1996
“Lean On Me” by Bill Withers
This song is really old, but for some reason my grade school music teacher thought it was fresh and hip. You know those music performances where they make the whole class sing a song in front of the other classes? Yeah, my class was forced to sing THIS song. It’s a fine song and teaches swell values, but why in the f-ck did our music teacher insist on making us sing it at every turn. I can think of AT LEAST three school functions during grade school and junior high that my class was forced to sing “Lean On Me” in front of people. Why!?
1999/2000
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails
This is one of the biggest music misunderstandings I’ve ever had. In high school, things are typically awkward for dudes. I was an art kid. It’s not like I was a sports guy or preppy-popular type. I was just sorta average and got along with everyone. I don’t need to describe high school to you. Odds are that you’re old enough to have been scarred by it already. Communication with the opposite sex (or same if that’s your ‘thang) is hell. There was one chick that I won’t name here… or in person… that I had a love/hate relationship with. I loved to hate her and she loved to hate me. That mutual bond cannot be described any better so don’t ask. She was cool and all, but I think at the time I was trying to explore my crush on her friend. She kept ruining things. Ruining every little chance I had. Ruining every moment built up in my young crazy neurotic head that was supposed to happen. Still, we were cordial and I suppose “friendly”. We traded CDs and what not. I lent her Nine Inch Nails “The Downward Spiral”. I tell her “Track five reminds me about YOU!” In my head, the song was “Ruiner”. It’s a cool and underrated track and I felt simply summed up my thoughts on her “ruining” things for me. The problem here is that Track Five on “The Downward Spiral” is NOT “Ruiner”… It’s… “Closer”. CLOSER! The song that explicitly repeats “I wanna f-ck you like an animal” and tells tales of “wanting to feel you from the inside”. I corrected this mistake as soon as possible. I ruined my chances and really, I don’t think I was believed.
2003/2004
“Pin” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I’ll be honest, 2003 to 2005 is a blur in my life. I was in my early 20’s and partying like a rockstar. I was never a big drinker, but around this time I was really pushing my limits. It wasn’t just booze either. I have no shame in saying mostly everything that didn’t involve a needle was in my system at least at one point during this gap of time. Still, music rocked. One morning, yeah morning, around 9 or so AM a friend came by with some booze. With that, it was a pot luck of illegal activity and substances. I won’t go too deep into the details, but my lungs, liver, and nasal passage was all abused pretty nicely. By 10 AM I, of course, was throwing up. My friend left me with a bag next to me and the CD player still rocking out the “Fever To Tell” album by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. There’s that chorus in the song “Pin” where Karen O’s bouncy lyrics are “bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. duhduh, duhduh, duhduh, duhduh”. It sounds cooler than it reads. The problem here is that this is where the CD decided to skip. So I wake up a few hours later, alone, with a bag of my own vomit next to me, and “bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. duhduh, duhduh, duhduh, duhduh” skipping and playing over and over and over and over again. It’s a story that’s often remembered and laughed about, but in retrospect someone should have probably called Dr. Drew.
2004/2005
“Last Night” by The Strokes
Shortly after turning twenty one years old I did what most young people do. I became an alcoholic and hung out at more bars than ever. I’m not a big bar person. I’ll go to a club or somewhere for a concert, but I’m not going to go to a bar to socialize and suck down drink specials. I can drink in comfort for way less money and way less rules on “pants”. I found myself drunk enough to actually stand up and sing karaoke. The first song I ever sung in karaoke was “Last Night” by The Strokes. I sucked badly. Obviously after five years of writing these columns I DO love and appreciate music, but I am NOT a singer. I “Sinatra’d” my way through the song and then over the next few weeks got in a few more songs. It still goes back to THIS though. I’m not embarrassed by much, but I really wish I hadn’t have peed in all those people’s ears. I’m just thankful this was right at the cusp of the video phone phenomenon. My singing was BAD.
Those are some of the more embarrassing songs that stand out to me. I’m sure I could think of more, but that’s enough today.
What are some of YOUR “musical embarrassments”? Don’t be shy… we all have them!
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