BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… John Mayer is metal! He doesn’t get half the credit he deserves. He’s one of the best blues rockers out there, but it’s a genre that just doesn’t get that much cross over. He’s not singing to an auto-tune with shitty dancers and he’s not playing paint-by-numbers Nickelback rock ballads. He still manages to cross the line into the mainstream because he’s THAT good.
He is one of the best guitar players alive. He brings the soul to the strings and unleashes some really solid stuff. It’s not hard rock guitar solos and he’s in the wrong era at the wrong time so guys like him and guys like Prince are brushed to the side for the Eddie Van Halen’s and the Zack Wylde’s. Both of those guys are great, but it’s silly to subjectively say either is “better” than anyone. I’m just saying John Mayer needs to be brought up in these discussions more.
He seems like he’s a cool enough guy. He might say something awkward or weird sometimes, but I think it’s because of how much he appreciates humor and comedy. He didn’t quite have a Michael Richards moment, but he came close. It was painful and he should feel bad, but it seemed like a “carried away” problem more than a “vicious attack” thing. It still sucks.
The thing most people seem to talk about is his illustrious love life. Despite all of the good things I’ve said about him, his relationships get him tons of tabloid attention and pretty much his own TMZ crew.
I’m not going to hate on the guy. He lives, he loves, and I would think is having a great time experiencing life. One of the experiences he’s gotten is to hook up with some really famous and known performers.
Today I’m going to take a look at the known females he has been “linked with” and figure out who is the most talented of “The Mayer Girls”. It would be easy to judge them based on their looks, but I’m going to go with musical talent (or lack thereof)!
TOP 5 “MAYER GIRLS” OF NON-MUSIC!
Again, I’m going to attempt to be objective about the skill level.
-----[5 : Minka Kelly]
This didn’t last long, but this up and coming actress and Mater were together in 2007.
-----[4 : Rashida Jones]
It was denied so it might not be true. It’s still “Ann” from “Parks & Rec” so it’s worth noting!
-----[3 : Cameron Diaz]
These two “hung out” together in 2007.
-----[2 : Renee Zellweger]
They had a few dates and it was said to be “not serious”.
-----[1 : Jennifer Aniston]
These two were on-and-off from 2008 to 2009. She is now engaged to Justin Theroux so I think Mayer missed out on this one.
TOP 7 “MAYER GIRLS” OF MUSIC!
-----[7 : Taylor Swift]
Timeline : 2009
Accomplishments : Kanye West Interrupting Her On An Award Show
I’ve listened with an open mind and really wanted to be fair. I think I have but the truth is that I just don’t find value in Taylor Swift’s music. It’s like she dates someone and then once she gets her heart broken she writes a song about it. It’s not like she’s using the emotion to create a relatable metaphor. She is writing songs called “Dear John”. How is THAT not considered “kiss and tell” behavior? I’m not saying John Mayer is a saint, but its tit for tat. What do they say about “two wrongs” again? Mayer heard the song detailing his “dark twisted games” and told Rolling Stone he “felt terrible” when he heard it. I felt terrible when I heard it too… and it wasn’t even about me.
-----[6 : Holly Williams]
Timeline : 2002
Accomplishments : Daughter of Hank Williams Jr.
This was before John Mayer had his huge break out. At this point he was dating the granddaughter of legendary country singer Hank Williams Sr. and daughter of legendary country singer Hank Williams Jr. She has done well on her own, but is still without the huge break out hit. She has mentioned her relationship with Mayer in passing. "I fell in love with him for a couple of weeks like every other girl who sees him play guitar."
-----[5 : Jessica Simpson]
Timeline : 2006/2007
Accomplishments : 30 Million Albums Sold, Numerous Hits, Hit Reality Show
This very well may be the relationship that got John Mayer the most attention. That says a lot because he’s been “linked” to a few of the hottest A-listers. In 2006 they got together after Jessica got divorced from Nick Lachey. They were “on and off” through 2007 and had a lot of tabloid love. A while after, when John and Jennifer Anniston broke up, he went on Howard Stern and let loose with private information. This was when he legendarily proclaimed that he was sexually addicted to her and that “It was like napalm, sexual napalm”. It’s a great quote, but that doesn’t make me appreciate Simpson’s music any more.
-----[4 : Colbie Caillat]
Timeline : 2009
Accomplishments : Two Grammys, Rejected by American Idol, MySpace Star
Up until today I had never knew who this performer is. That is how unimpressed I am with the people I’ve listed already. It turns out Colbie has a pretty okay backstory and a nice voice. Colbie Caillat didn’t quite make a name for herself via selling out like a lot of others. She was rejected by American Idol but achieved tons of fame and success thanks to her huge rise on MySpace. Yes… MySpace! She got to work with Taylor Swift and tour with Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls, and then John Mayer. These two got along well and were going to do some collaborations and duets. If they did record together it was never released.
-----[3 : Miley Cyrus]
Timeline : 2011
Accomplishments : Number One Albums, Hit Disney Show, Golden Globe Nomination
It wasn’t as high profile, but this one is worth the mention. Mayer gets a girl fifteen years younger than him too? Apparently. This seems like it was all a passing story. At the 2011Grammy Awards it was said that Miley Cyrus and John Mayer shared a kiss. To top it off she supposedly slapped his ass. It could have been a playful one-off between two entertainment friends, but there may have been other times their paths crossed. In 2009 Miley posted on her Twitter that she would like a man like John. Maybe she got it?
-----[2 : Katy Perry]
Timeline : 2012
Accomplishments : Numerous Top 10 hits, 8 Grammy Nominations,
I’ve had a discussion recently that spawned this whole thing. The census, well at least between two people, was that Katy Perry is more “interesting” than the other popstars that Mayer has hooked up with. This is the most recent of the John Mayer relationships. Katy Perry is fresh off her marriage to Russell Brand and is soon spotted with Mayer. They’ve been seen together and all of the hoopla has been around now for a few months. No one seems to care to hide it so it’s safe to assume it’s “official”. One day they’re together on TMZ, the next day they’re not. It’s the same ol’ same ol’ really.
-----[1 : Vanessa Carlton]
Timeline : 2002
Accomplishments : Hit single “A Thousand Miles”, School of American Ballet grad, Platinum Record
Since this list is subject, I’m going with the female singer that’s NOT withheld in the disposable “pop” genre. She’s proclaimed herself a “proud bisexual” in 2010. Eight years before that she was hooked up with Mr. Mayer. This was John Mayer’s first “famous girlfriend”. Both of these young performers were just coming out around this point. She had that hit single “A Thousand Miles”, which featured her singing a rather pleasant pop rock ballad. The song was huge and she was on her way to big things. Mayer and her dated for about a year during this time. It wouldn’t last for too long, but the laid back rock vibe of these two made for a cool combo. He would move on from her and she would move on from the mainstream to being an indie-cred darling.
Who do YOU think is the most talented of “The Mayer Girls”?
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