BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
In the past I’ve written about Taylor Swift and I’ve never really had anything positive to say. I wrote a column titled “Who The F*** is Taylor Swift?” and it got some interesting feedback. It was a little shocking to get that kind of response, but so be it. I moved on, readers moved on, and Taylor Swift’s camp hopefully moved on too. Since then, I’ve been open minded. I didn’t want to be a typical “hater” so if she showed up somewhere, performed, or a song came on I’d listen. I’ve still not heard her entire discography and I don’t know if I’ll ever sit down with it, but I did try. The truth of the matter is I still don’t find any redeeming qualities in the music of Taylor Swift. I can easily roll my eyes, turn the channel, and carry on without missing a beat.
I don’t have anything personally against Taylor Swift. I’m sure she’s a great person, cares about people, and genuinely has a good heart. Artificial or not, she is presented as a nice, clean-cut, wholesome, all-American girl who sings about things that young girls SHOULD relate to if they want to be nice, clean-cut, wholesome, all-American girls. That doesn’t mean she can’t say, stand for, and represent some downright silly things. No one is perfect. Not even Taylor Swift.
Today I’m going to take a light hearted look at…
(cue dramatic music)
THE SINS OF TAYLOR SWIFT! GASP!
(Warning: A lot of this is bullshit brain droppings meant for fun. Basically, don’t get so bent out of shape.)
WRATH
One of those “silly things” was said a few months ago that has stuck with me. After Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made some jokes about her at an award show she was quoted as saying “there is a special place in hell” for women like them. What? Funny, talented, and who have paid their dues to earn where they are? Yikes.
This is the bullshit I’m talking about. They mocked her along with a crowd full of famous people. So what? Are we supposed to feel bad for an insanely wealthy pop singer with hurt feelings? People have real problems that don’t involve being upset about what strangers say about you and which celebrity we want to be seen dating this week. Then there is the “feminist” issue. So Taylor Swift thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to tell jokes about other women without being a feminist? What’s more anti-feminist than saying a woman shouldn’t do something?! Is she a feminist who likes her comedy segregated?
She could have said something funny to get back at them and showed she’s “in on the fun”. Instead, she decides to throw rocks while in a sparkly glass mansion. I’m a little rusty on my bible, but I know there’s stuff in there about casting the first stone only if pure of heart. Does Taylor Swift consider herself to be “pure of heart”? If she’s going to claim that two women who have made millions of people laugh and smile are not just going to hell, but a “special place in hell” then she must have some kind of religious authority…. Right?
The first thought about Taylor Swift that comes to my mind and I’m sure a lot of people’s mind is the Kanye West interruption. Now the second thing is this verbal jab. Her being a credible artist continues to fall down this proverbial list.
Shouldn’t she had “turned the other cheek” or something? How come the fact that she literally damned these two actresses to hell isn’t that big of a deal? Could it be because EVERYONE but Taylor Swift understood it was a joke and her response, as serious as she seems to have been with her words, was a complete joke? Yeah, I think so too.
Let’s not forget if you encounter her you have a risk of being a victim of lyrical assault. If you form a relationship with her and break her heart you will find yourself the subject of one of her songs. John Mayer, the obvious target of "Dear John", has said the song "humiliated" him and that "I think it's kind of cheap songwriting. I know she's the biggest thing in the world, and I'm not trying to sink anybody's ship, but I think it's abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, 'Wait till he gets a load of this!'"
Vengeance WILL be hers!
LUST
I don’t know what to say about this one. She’s not really one to dress overly provocative. I guess the idea of “lust” would be fair to associate with her famed love history. If she didn’t focus her creative energy on her love life so much it wouldn’t be a constant topic of discussion among fans, media, and critics. If a gangster rapper rapped about being a gangster then they should be judged based on being a gangster. Taylor Swift is no gangster, but she sure sings a lot about the relationships she “doesn’t want” people gossiping about. Go figure.
GLUTTONY
As far as we all know, she’s not gluttonous with drugs, booze, or anything like that. She has that going for her, but it again goes back to her boy thing. She’s “gluttonous” when it comes to relationships. She has the reputation of dating someone and making a big splash conveniently when her newest album is coming out. She is self-conscious about it herself. She was on Ellen a while back and was freaked out by the public perception. She awkwardly said "Stop it this makes me feel so bad about myself everything I come up here you put a picture of me with a different dude on the screen. And it makes me question what I stand for as a human being. There have never been two guys up there two visits in a row. It's sad."
She’s also a fan of food. So that counts! I know this is getting out of hand, but that’s the point. If making jokes gets you a special place in hell, I think it’s only fair if we all go to hell. Swift’s food choice was made known in an interview where her quote was "There's a restaurant that we went to after the VMAs called Del Frisco's, and they have sweet potato casserole. I've never enjoyed anything with the word casserole in it ever before, but it's basically sweet potatoes with this brown sugary crust. Oh my God, it's amazing."
You guys read what I read?! That’s right! Lord’s name in vain! Lord’s name in vain! Lord’s name in vain! I mean that sweet potato casserole sounds tasty, but oh man… the sins keep racking up!
GREED
Apparently Swift does a lot of charity and gives back as much as she can. That’s cool, but there is no denying there is some greed in her life. If she wasn’t “greedy” she’d just give away her music, not charge for concerts, and just give away all of her money after a certain point of moderate comfort. Instead she’s got millions upon millions in the bank with I’m sure a growing interest that earns more in one day than most people earn in one year.
There is also a sense of entitlement. I recall a story about how she basically party crashed a Kennedy family function. When he was with one of the Kennedy kids for a while she took it upon herself to go to an event she wasn’t invited to. This is no one’s business, but the word got out and it’s worth bringing up. If the story is true, she not only showed up to this event but she took attention away from the people it was for. This didn’t matter as long as she was getting what SHE wanted. That’s just a story though. We don’t know the full story. We’ll get to the stuff we DO know.
Her endorsements and spokes model gigs speak for themselves. She’s been attached to jeans, a mobile phone company, Wal-Mart sundresses, greetings cards, dolls, a digital camera, video games, fragrances, and make up. We’re talking Target, Papa Johns, Walgreens, Wal-Mart, Sony, the NHL, Jakks Pacific, Verizon, Keds shoes, home furnishing, and Diet Coke. Those are just the products and companies I felt like listing after reading two paragraphs. You can bet your ass she’s getting paid and getting product from many more companies than this. Chaaaaaaa Ching!
SLOTH
Taylor Swift is a hard worker. She pops up everywhere and seems to try hard. I won’t question her work ethic, but I will question her risk taking. It seems a bit “lazy” on many fronts.
Is there much difference between being “naive” and being “lazy”? She has access to know anything she wants, but doesn’t. One thing that sticks out was that picture that came out a few years back. Apparently she went to a party and took a picture with a dude who had a big ass swastika drawn on his shirt. She should have been more on guard about that kind of stuff. Then again, her personal choices in the “love department” are on the bad side as well.
You could say, despite her lyrics being heralded by many, are a bit repetitive. How many songs are about ex-boyfriends being mean to her or breaking her heart? Is the lack of life experience limiting her art? Probably, but it’s worth noting. The use of metaphor is not a crime. It just seems to be paint by number at this point.
There are jokes about avoiding dating her because you’ll end up being in a song for a reason. Michael J. Fox made comments for a reason. There is a stigma for a reason. The girl DOES write a lot of songs about her ex’s. She has songs about high school boyfriends, a Jonas brother, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, and anyone else famous that makes direct eye contact with her.
I’ve also read stories and heard of her not having the best of performances. For someone who is on the road as much as she is, who sells as many albums, gets as many YouTube views, and wins as many awards you’d think she’s be on her A-game at all times. People pay to see her perform at a certain level and it doesn’t always pan out. In 2010, her performance at the Grammys was pretty bad and then another big one of note was the recent 2012 New Year’s Eve show on ABC. Off key, lackluster, and disappointing. I’m sure she had valid reasons why this happened, but I doubt they don’t involve something that could be considered “sloth”.
ENVY
This one is simple enough. Like most artistic people, she looked up to other artist. She wanted to emulate them and even in some cases “be them”. It’s something a lot of people can relate to, but’s a sin much worse than making a playful joke about someone so I can only imagine the special place in hell she’ll get for this stuff. Innocently enough she was a huge fan of 90’s country music so she was into Shania Twain, Faith Hill, the Dixie Chicks, and others. She’d pick aspects and attributes from all of these artists and plenty more that she wanted to be like and take part of. You could even say she was envious…
In this small amount of research I’ve also read that she’s a BIG fan of Britney Spears. In fact the quote is “unwavering devotion”. That sounds creepy…. and hot!
PRIDE
To be fair, this “sin” always seemed a little lame. So I won’t lie, this one is a bit of a stretch. Shouldn’t someone have pride in themselves? What’s so wrong with being proud? Like anything, to excess it can be bad, but if you don’t value yourself at least a little you’re a sad person. There are plenty of ways you could “pin the sin on the Swift” here.
One thing she seems proud of is her hair. One quote was "I used to (straighten my hair) in junior high, and it just turned into a frizzy, crimpy 'fro. So I'm really thankful not to have to straighten my hair and just let the curls roam free because that's what they're going to do anyway."
Doesn’t THAT seem a little prideful? What about winning awards? I’m sure she’s happy just to be there and be around her heroes, but she doesn’t HAVE to show up and she COULD use her stage time to dismiss whatever award she’s receiving and talk about issues that matter to the world. She doesn’t. She might say something like “girl power!” or something, but it’s not like she doesn’t just sparkle in the spotlight. So it’s like she’s doing US a favor!
In a 2011 interview she proclaimed her power status as she considers it her "responsibility" to be conscious of her influence on young fans. That’s a little prideful, isn’t it? Shouldn’t it be everyone’s “responsibility” to influence the youth?
If she wasn’t so prideful she wouldn’t get so offended by people’s comments or dislike for her. She wouldn’t feel the need to defend herself. She could easily just let her actions and example speak for itself. They say the best way to beat a bully is to ignore them and walk away. She doesn’t. She “fights back” with comments and lyrics in an attempt to gain more money, more attention, and better A-list arm candy. I mean that IS the point of “celebrity” isn’t it? An artist can avoid the media and press, but since her “Q Rating” is so high there is some obvious “push” behind her marketing machine. Then again, it’s a world she chose to be part of.
Inane ramble aside, what do YOU think is Taylor Swift’s biggest sin?
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