BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
This is a strange column to write. It’s not strange because it’s a long ramble that’s basically an internal stream of consciousness. It’s not just strange because it’s really self-indulgent and may not be relatable by everyone out there. It’s strange because it’s the first time I’ve been lost for words when it comes to Nine Inch Nails. My favorite band has been Nine Inch Nails now for over fifteen years. I’ve invested time, passion, money, miles, friendships, and deep connection into this brand of musical art. Isn’t that what a band or artist is? A “brand of musical art”. That’s not a bad thing. “Brand” does not have to be a “bad word”. In this case it’s just a way to describe a group of work and presentation. Trent Reznor is the man behind the brand that is Nine Inch Nails. For over a decade in a half I’ve absorbed his brand through many life experiences. I’ve laughed, cried, raged, slept, awoke, and basically lived my life with the background music, plenty more times than not, has been Nine Inch Nails.
That’s why this is so weird. The idea of this ramble is to explore why I’m a fan of Nine Inch Nails and how I’ve evolved in correlation to the music releases. This all comes in a period in time where I just don’t feel connected. I feel like I’m a cross roads with my fandom and I’m not quite sure I feel as enthusiastic about NIN as I did before. In fact, this whole process makes me question if NIN is even for me anymore.
What happened? Did I mature in a different direction? Did Trent Reznor lose a step? Did Nine Inch Nails stop being what I needed it to be? At what point did my “connection” shift?
Everyone has a “favorite band”. If you’re a huge ol’ music nerd like me then your “favorite band” is held in VERY high regards. It’s your air. It’s your pulse. It’s stride. It’s yours. If you’re a huge ol’ music nerd then you get into the fan boy area of “fandom”. You go to concerts, you know random pointless facts, you had the “Imports”, and you not only know every single word, but the inflections and vocal quirks. It becomes part of your identity. Your friends know you as “the Nine Inch Nails guy”. They hold back mentioning ANYTHING related to NIN because they know you’ll ramble to them for ten minutes longer than the actual duration of the longer “Mr. Self Destruct” remix from the Japanese import of “Further Down The Spiral”. You’re just “that guy”.
We’re all “that guy”. If you’re not a huge ol’ music nerd like me then maybe you’re the movie guy or the car guy or the video game guy. The point is that we’re all fanboys and obsessive over some kind of passion. There is nothing wrong with it. We all need art. We all need a connection. We all need a distraction. Folks, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years on this planet it’s that distractions are a must.
It’s just a point where being “that guy” starts to fade. Why? How? When?
This is my life through “my favorite band of all time”, a personal story of a connection to Nine Inch Nails if you will; from one fan to another…
The Discovery
I had heard of Nine Inch Nails in the mid-90s. I didn’t know really anything about the band or Trent Reznor. It was just a band name the young junior high me had heard of. It would be around like 1997 when I first heard Nine Inch Nails and “got into them”. Of course, being a young and dumb kid the song “Closer” is what I heard first. There is no shame in that as much as it makes my inner nerd want to cry. It wasn’t some import, some B-side, some cool older relative getting me to listen young… it was the big radio hit. It was the bait.
I quickly started getting my hands on NIN music. Mostly cassettes at first because I didn’t want to transition into the “crazy world” of CDs. I listened to “The Downward Spiral” about a million and a half times that first week. It’s mathematically impossible, but in the mental montage that was my NIN discovery all things are possible. I loved “Closer”. As over-heard as it is now, it’s still an amazing song and hits all the right notes. It’s a powerful and raw song that’s going to be always be talked about and remembered. That said, the rest of the album is what really grabbed me. Being a misunderstood, awkward and, in all honestly, depressed teenager it was a perfect outlet for me to connect to.
It was the emotional outcry, it was the destructive rage, the discontent, the self-inflicted inflictions. It was exactly what I needed to latch onto at the moment. I’m still thankful that I didn’t latch onto a band like Everclear or Green Day.
The Peak
Once 99 came around, “The Fragile” was released. It was my first “day of” release with Nine Inch Nails. I remember forcing a parent to take me to Best Buy after school to pick up the CD. I quickly got that double album beast home, laid in bed and put on headphones. In retrospect I was a stick of incense and a single candle away from being THAT cliché.
It was like unlocking a whole different part of me. It wasn’t as angry as the stuff I was listening to already. It was delicate, it was layered and it just felt right.
I pretty much lucked out here. I didn’t get stuck in the middle of a waiting period, which we’ll get to later. I came in right in the middle of two of the best albums ever made and arguably the biggest peak of the NIN fame and discography.
My VERY first concert came in 2000. It was the NIN “Fragility Tour”. I had to cash in some savings bonds that my grandparents had given me, but dammit… I bought tickets and it was on. So my first concert, the first time seeing live music on stage… a brand spankin’ new A Perfect Circle followed by a corn-starched and pissed off Trent Reznor.
At that point there was no turning back. I had a “favorite band” for life.
The Waiting Game
One thing I didn’t have to deal with was the “waiting game”. Trent developed a bit of a reputation for taking a LONG TIME to make albums. Granted he’d be putting out singles, LPs, scores, and randomness people in the NIN community and on the radio would always make side comments about it taking so long for albums to get made. It was every five years for a while, but that was LPs. If we discount the non-LPs it means we ignore stuff like “Broken” and songs like “The Perfect Drug” and “Deep”. I’d rather keep those tunes in my collection if you ask me.
So “The Fragile” came out and went. Trent disappeared from the spotlight. At this point in his life it sounded like he went through a lot of changes and got himself on a better life course. It would still be five years.
Junior year of high school to early 20’s is a big time gap. During that time I didn’t have new NIN music to absorb. At this point in time, being a NIN fan was a fairly reasonable part of my identity. Don’t get me wrong, I had a life. I didn’t JUST focus on NIN. I was “into” a lot of things, but everyone knew that mentioning NIN or Trent would trigger me into fan-boy mode.
I had to have every NIN CD and import. I’d go to any and all stores and shops to find the rare stuff. I’d get as many posters as I could to cover my walls. I’d go after any shirt that’d fit. It was all NIN, all the time. For literally YEARS after the “Fragility” tour, I’d wear a nasty fitted hat everywhere.
“With Teeth” wouldn’t come out until 2005. After waiting over five years, putting in the time as “the NIN guy” and loving every dark and twisted second of it… THIS is what I was waiting for?
“With Teeth”?! What?!
This is where I’m going to cut today’s column off. I didn’t intend on going this deep into things so I figured I’d be done by this point. Next week I’ll finish this up where I’m leaving off now. I’ll look at my fandom from “With Teeth” forward. It ends up being the most engaging part of the story so bear with me.
How about some feedback though.
What is YOUR favorite band of all time?
How and when did you get into them?
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