BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
I won’t get too deep into an intro this time. Last week I explained it pretty well.
This is the second part of my introspective look at my own fandom of Nine Inch Nails. I can admit that I was a super fan boy in the past. The music and existence of Nine Inch Nails has been vital to my development.
If you’ve ever been REALLY into a band or any art form for that matter, then you’d understand the kind of impact they have on you and the kind of connection and bond that is formed. It border lines on impressive, depressive and obsessive but in the most innocent of ways.
In part 1 I covered my introduction to the band and becoming “that guy”.
Catch up with part one here: From One Fan To Another: Nine Inch Nails (Part 2 of 2)
In this half of the two parter, I jump into my fandom around the time “With Teeth” came out…
The Return
Despite the fact that a lot of critics and fans seemed to hate on “With Teeth” I fully embraced it. When the promotion and tour of this album came around it was the perfect time for me to dive deep into my fan boy ways. I had a telemarketing job, extra cash and plenty of time. I had just spent my late teens and early 20’s as a professional wrestling promoter. That time and experience really ate up a lot of my time. It’s odd to think back that the entire run of Maniak Enterprise Wrestling lasted in between the release of “The Fragile” and “With Teeth”, but it did. I did a lot of “growing up”, but was still a pretty carefree dude in his early 20s.
I paid my cash and joined “The Spiral”. I lurked on their message boards, but really didn’t engage much. It was just cool to see cool people talk about the band I was enthralled with. With “The Spiral”, you got access to their message boards, a membership card, a shirt, a poster, and pretty lackluster web exclusives but the key here was the early access to presale tickets. I paid my money so I was definitely going to take advantage.
I got my tax check back and won a decent amount played Roulette at an East Chicago, IN casino. With this and the fact I worked at a telemarketing place for way longer than any human should… I quit!
This was followed by me spending 2 weeks hitting up a handful of NIN shows throughout the Midwest in February of 2005. It was awesome. Before this, I went to my first “listening party”. The new album would be played for a live crowd in select cities to build up buzz and hype. This led me and a friend to the Metro in Chicago on a weekday. It was a long trek from Indiana, but we were obsessed. We went way early, sat in line outside on the street for hours, and mingled with our surroundings. It was a good time and one of the first glimpses into the people who are fans of the band I loved.
One thing about being part of “The Spiral” was that you’d get early access into shows. Sometimes you’d get to see the sound check and sometimes you’d get the sound check AND a meet and greet with the band. Of the six shows I went to, you could guess it… not a one was a “meet and greet” show OR even a sound check entrance. The best we got was during a blizzard of coldness in Grand Rapids, MI. They let us in early to wait in the lobby while Trent and the gang practiced “The Day The Whole World Went Away” three times in a row. The same show saw Trent Reznor get hit in the face by a flying lighter during “Hurt”. He proceeded to throw over the keyboard and storm off stage. The show would end early that night. All in all, I watched from the pit, from the side seats, from the back and from just about every perspective outside of the stage itself. I knew the setlists and saw the same ones a few times. I saw the same faces of fans tirelessly hitting up every show.
It’s moments like that when you realize that you’re not the ONLY person who is “that guy” when it comes to something you love. It’s refreshing because you instantly feel part of a community but there is also that sense of broken identity where you also see folks who are clearly more obsessed and latched on. The whole community thing is awesome though. You knew the lady who passed out tickets and organized the line, you knew the procedures, you’d hear the gossip about people from the other tour stops, and most importantly you’d have the benefit of letting your nerd flag fly with great comfort. I could see why people let their lives go the route of a “dead head” or a “Juggalo”. It’s nice to be part of a community. I think it’s those who take it too far are sadly the ones who end up getting the attention, thus making everyone look bad. It’s gotta suck because at the heart of it, it’s the music that sparks the community but then the community overtakes the music and meaning. Thankfully, I never felt that way with the NIN crowd. I never encountered any NIN fans in those lines that were uppity, snobbish or above a good time. I didn’t quite adapt too much into their world but it was fun to observe and take in for the few stops I made during that really cold winter tour.
I’d get out to another show or two, but that was the heart of my “With Teeth” time frame. It was easily my most engaged era with the band. All those years of being “that guy” paid off.
A Second Peak?
It would feel like forever, but 2007 wouldn’t be that far off. “Yero Zero” came out and it rocked. The promotion behind it was amazing and untouched. Trent got together with a media company and put together one of the coolest fan experiences I’ve ever taken part of.
The album is a concept album about a horrible government ruled future. I won’t get into the actual themes or anything, but every few days and weeks new stuff would happen. It would take us into a fantasy future where things are bad and people are revolting against the government. Through hidden messages, hidden websites, clues, “found” flash drives and tons of detailed plots Trent released album art, music videos, preview tracks, singles and all the basics that are released with a new album. I don’t care what anyone says, it was all marketing. It was creative marketing, but the end result was to provide interest and excitement about the album and world that was and is “Year Zero”. It was really fun to get lost in and have fun with. There has never been anything else on the level of coolness released or done by any other band. It was innovative, engaging, and genius.
This set the bar pretty fucking high. After getting the album and listening to it a million times this would be the last time I got “excited” about Nine Inch Nails. I didn’t realize it at the time, but in retrospect this was my last hurrah of being “that guy”.
I wouldn’t say it went directly down-hill or anything, but the fade of my “fan boy” ways really started at this point.
The Indifference
I missed them at Lollapalooza that year because of being broke. In the past I’d have sold stuff, pawned stuff, and begged for the money. I just didn’t find the value in paying THAT much for a ticket to see Nine Inch Nails with a whole bunch of bands I didn’t want to see. With Lollapalooza, it seems the bands can’t play the area for a while afterwards. So basically, if you’re a NIN fan and didn’t get to go to Lollapalooza you’d not get to appreciate the “Year Zero” tour at all. This would happen again a few years later.
The albums and releases became a digital thing. Trent trail blazed the whole “pay what you want” thing. It was innovative and awesome to have access to the music that quickly. I think missing the experience of having physical property and a proper release started to damper my NIN experience. There were great songs included, but nothing to grab my soul. He’d put out a few albums this way, including a 30-something track instrumental album. All great music and it was cool to see Trent so inspired, but this really didn’t translate into me caring nearly as much as I once did.
I could tell you the release years and track listing of the albums before the “digital release” era. I couldn’t tell you when “The Slip” came out or any of the albums afterwards. The only exception really being the most recent “Hesitation Marks” album because it had more of a normal release, I got lost in the digital drops and the drama. And oh man… there was “drama”.
Trent Reznor was never a “conformist”, but at a certain point he became cranky. It was Trent versus the world. He had problems with performing on a MTV award show because they wouldn’t let him have a certain set design and he’d get more and more into his own self-contained world. He went to war with the Grammys, other artists, labels, corporations, governments, TV networks, media and anyone who “crossed” him. Whenever you’d see his name pop up on a music news site it would be associated with him being angry and combative. At a certain point “strong convictions” became exhausting.
The Exhaustion
Trent announced a “Goodbye Tour”. He took the band out with Janes Addiction and got everyone to come out to see the band “one last time”. Before we knew it the announcement was, “NIN is gone for a while” instead of retiring. So like any die-hard NIN fan, I made it to the local show. It was a great concert with the city of Chicago in the background. It was nice closure of my NIN live experiences.
Until ANOTHER “farewell tour” hit. Trent would do a dozen or so dates in major cities via smaller clubs. This was to be THE REAL “goodbye tour”. The thing about these club shows is that they sell out fast. If you wanted to get tickets you had to have a crazy trigger finger to act fast enough to get them at face value. Instead, most people were stuck dealing with scalpers and paying an arm and a leg. Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing show. Trent enlisted in a cool cast of friends and performers to join him. Chicago got to see Peter Murphy come out and be awesome. The show was great and would end up being my last time seeing NIN live.
Trent stopped NIN for a while. He teamed up with Atticus Ross and his wife to start a new project called “How to Destroy Angels”.
I was not a fan.
The Realization
It wasn’t just the music that I didn’t enjoy, but the whole situation.
“How To Destroy Angels” isn’t bad, but it’s not Nine Inch Nails. It SOUNDS like NIN, but it’s not. It felt like it was left-overs from past projects with female vocals. The thing that irked me was the fact it was on a major label. The idea behind it was to get the most attention for the album and to reach the most ears. After YEARS of Trent shitting on record labels, complaining about the industry, and innovating the whole “I can do this on my own and release things on my own” rhetoric it was like it was all hype. Trent putting albums out there on his own with the “pay what you want” self-release method felt right. It felt like a natural evolution of what NIN and Trent were about. Or so I thought.
To get the new project over, he went BACK to the labels. The same labels he told his fans that were evil and bullshit for over a decade. The same labels he escaped with innovation and awesomeness. He went back.
Then the next NIN release was under the SAME label. I don’t want to think this way, but it’s hard not to imagine a deal where it was “we’ll release your new project if you let us release your new NIN stuff too”. I DON’T know the details, but it felt cheap and hypocritical. I hope there’s a rational take on it because I’m optimistically always looking past this.
Trent put out a few soundtracks, won an Oscar and secured his place as an icon. To me and many many people he already was an icon, but this stuff pretty much established him with the mainstream as something more than the angry goth rocker from the 90s. This would lead to a Grammy performance for him to (rightfully) bitch about, him being the spokesman or frontman or whatever for a new music streaming service connected to Dr. Dre’s really expensive headphones that tweens and douche bags love, and more spotlight in general.
In the past I felt like I was a part of all of this. It was “in the know” and anything NIN was everything me. This stuff just made me feel like I was watching from the outside. I’m happy Trent is still productive and doing his thing. The difference is that I used to feel like it was “our thing”. Not in a creepy way or anything. By that I mean that I felt like I was part of a team or community, “Team Trent” if you will. The lines of being a super fan and just a fan were becoming pretty defined and clear. I had crossed over from “super fan” to just being a “really big fan”.
Ironically, and pun totally intended, the line began to blur.
The Question
In the middle of putting this together and collecting my thoughts something happened. It was announced that Nine Inch Nails would go on a summer tour with Soundgarden. Soundgarden is another band I hold in high regards. When I was in professional wrestling my two entrance songs were by these two bands. As a heel I’d use “Head Like a Hole” by Nine Inch Nails and a face, which was the majority of my “career”, I’d come out to “Spoonman” by Soundgarden. I read this announcement and was thrilled. I got on my facebook and posted about it, I called friends, I called my girlfriend and my enthusiasm for NIN peaked for the first time in a few years.
Then slowly and surely that enthusiasm faded. I found myself quickly moving on with my life with mild excitement. Tickets went on sale and I didn’t have the extra cash to get them. I don’t think they’re sold out and the Chicago show isn’t for another four or so months, but I’m not even sure if I’ll be there. I don’t have it in me to keep up on all the antics, drama, and hoopla. I’d love to still feel as excited as I was about Nine Inch Nails, but it’s just different. I really hope I get to go to the NIN/Soundgarden show. It could knock something loose inside me and pull that back out, even for a few hours. I’m not going to lose sleep if I miss it though. I’d like to be, but priorities change.
I think that’s what I’ve learned from writing all of this. Priorities change. People change. I still appreciate Nine Inch Nails. I’m just not enthralled. I don’t know if it’s because Trent’s priorities within the music and branding of NIN has changed or if it’s because my own views and priorities have changed. It’s both, I’m sure. The main thing is that things are changed. I’m always going to connect to certain songs and emotions from those songs. I can’t see a time in my life when Nine Inch Nails won’t have a place in my heart. It’s part of who I am. Sadly, I’m coming to terms that maybe… just maybe… I might not be “that guy” anymore.
To quote another hero of mine and a friend Trent, “Time may change me, but I can’t trace time”.
What is YOUR favorite band?
Are you still as connected to them as you once were?
How do YOU explain this disheartening disconnection?
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