BY MIKEY MIGO
Being a lover of music and always trying to think of new discussions, I find myself constantly listening to music wherever I can. I started to realize that certain types of music and how it's presented really have a small space of acceptability.
Really, all music is made for enjoyment. I just think that enjoyment should be saved for its main venue. Pulling these styles out at the wrong time will only make those around you uncomfortable. This is sort of like farting in public. You could of NOT been a jerk and took that stank to a restroom, but you just let it rip out in the open. That's what these people are doing to our ears when these specific styles are shared at the wrong place and the wrong time….
NINE
Wrestling Entrance Music
I love professional wrestling. I don't just say that as a casual fan. I devoted my late teens and early 20's completely to the wrestling business and have no regrets about it. One of the many aspects I've taken pleasure in has always been the music of wrestling. It's often overly-generic, cheesy, and is flat out embarrassing when taken out of context. This is why a huge chunk of wrestling music is something that should not be bumped in a car. You CAN get away with cranking up an entrance song when it's a real song. This is why I never felt THAT lame for rocking out to old school ECW themes. "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains, "Walk" by Pantera, "Perfect Strangers" by Deep Purple, etc. etc. are perfectly acceptable as long as you don't ACT LIKE THE WRESTLER. Keep that shit to yourself unless you're with a close friend who won't judge you and is also a fan of professional wrestling. There is absolutely no reason to ever spit water on people whenever you hear Motorhead.
EIGHT
Sporting Event Music
I'm not talking about the tracks by Queen, AC/DC, or established music by great artists that was adopted by sporting event music programmers as a way to hype up a crowd. I'm talking about the painfully obvious "sport jamz" type of shit that it ONLY acceptable when cheering on a favorite team. Pretty much, this goes for anything on the "Space Jam" soundtrack that wasn't originally written by Steve Miller or R-Kelly.
SEVEN
50% of Strip Club Music
If you've spent more than one evening in your life at a "gentlemen's club" then you're aware of what kind of music you'll hear. Of course you'll hear the current breed of "sexual" hip hop and rock songs all night, but I've personally heard a few gems that I would easily consider "awkward" to hear elsewhere. My ears have literally heard these techno-like songs where the lyrics are simply "Blow My Whistle Bitch!" There are plenty more songs like this. I can handle hearing the normal "sexy pop" stuff outside of a strip club, but "Face Down Ass Up!"? No thank you! This might be a main reason I've not been to a place like this in well over five years.
SIX
Pre-PSone Video Game Music
This music snuck its way into my ears as a kid without me being any the wiser. I never played "Mike Tyson's Punch Out" to hear the music. The same goes for "Zelda", "Contra", "Technobowl" or any of my childhood video game favorites. Still, I can hum the theme to Zelda and Mario just like anyone in the mid-20's. I choose not to though. And this is why I'm socially accepted by my friends and peers. The video gives some great examples of music you should not be playing in your car if you appreciate the concept of friendship, respect, or even human contact. Yeah, I KNOW the theme song to "Megaman X" was the bomb! But, dudes… keep that ish on the DL!
FIVE
Roller Skating Music
For me, my roller rink days came in the early 90s. There were tons of fun old school hip hop and dance songs played as we all fell on our asses in front of our friends. Still, there are some songs that are like crack. Once you hear them, they get stuck in your head FOREVER. "The Sign" by Ace of Base is one of those roller skating songs that I can recall almost dying during. Your adult friends have their own musical skeletons in their own closets. Sharing our deepest demons won't make us hip or cool in an ironic way. It makes you lame and makes me cringe in horror. Maybe this one could be chalked up as a personal horror story. None the less, this is my list and I think any and all old school roller skating music should be a tight lipped secret.
FOUR
Holiday Music
With Christmas displays going up in stores around Halloween, Halloween stuff going up after "Back to School" ads, and all of this madness. The true spirit of the holidays is now a much blurred line of "who gives a shit?" I'm not a Grinch or opposed to ANY holiday. Any chance people have to take a breather, celebrate with family, and have a good time is cool with me. I just ask to keep the themed music within a respectable realm. There should be a three week time limit. You can only play seasonal music three weeks before the holiday. Once the holiday is over, you have twelve hours to get it out of your system. After that, you're dead to me.
THREE
Commercial/Product Jingles
A wise man once told me that only douche bags sing commercial jingles. There is always "that guy" who will obnoxiously "sing" the "5… 5 Dollar… 5 Dollar Foot Loooong" song anywhere within eye shot of the still overpriced pseudo-deli food chain. It's not just that, there's plenty more. You know them, I know them, and more than likely our grandparents know them. There's "2 All beef patties, special sauce, blah blah blah", there's the "Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!", there's the "If I were an Oscar Meyer weiner…" and SOOO many more. We're a culture of consumers. These songs do their part in making us weaker people. They're catchy for a reason. They WANT you to remember the jingle so you remember the product they're trying to sell you. Don't be a walking commercial for "the man"!
TWO
Church Music
That's right, I said it. For real, I'm not against religion. I think even with a well educated mind that goes against most of the major belief systems, I can respect the main points. A little bit of well doing and spirituality can't hurt anyone. I'm not a religious person, but that's out of choice. I went to a Catholic school for nine years, attended Baptist churches, Pentecostal, Lutheran, and have done personal study on Buddhism and even Satanism. With all due respect to any believers, it's just not my cup of tea. I'm sure I'm not alone in that sentiment. The non-extremists respect your right to religion…. Why not respect everyone else's right to NOT have to hear your unharmonious ass attempt to put your own personal touches of "soul" in to "Go Tell It On The Mountain". As much as you think you are, you are NOT spreading the word. You're just making the room awkward. Religion shouldn't make people feel uncomfortable. I think that goes against their ideal atmosphere. So why make me uncomfortable when standing in line at Walgreens? Let me purchase my cigarettes and Almond Snickers in peace!
ONE
Porn Music
Say you're having a wonderful evening with the parents. Diner was great, the conversation was pleasant, and it's time to bust out a board game. You leave the room for a minute to get Parcheesi and you hear THIS music. At this point, one should find the nearest exit and vacate your home. The funky sleaze of porn music SHOULD be appreciated as the art form it is, but there's no separating it from the actual "porn" part. When you hear music like this, you know what's going on in the next room.
What obscure music style do you think should stay in its own "right place at the right time" world?
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