BY MIKEY MIGO
With the decline of music videos being relevant to the music networks these musicians got their spotlight by selling not their art, but themselves as a product. That's my problem with these reality shows. Even if I like the musician's art, I don't necessarily need to see them "going about their life" or being put in "wacky" situations. If you've watched five minutes of any of these shows you'll know they are very much fabricated and far from the "reality" tag line they push.
Regardless, there are musicians who use these outlets to get more attention and to gain some notoriety in pop culture. It's a SELL OUT tactic to hopefully gain a morsel of relevance. More times than not, it doesn't help ones career much at all. Let's all take a few shots of the nearest booze or participate in mind altering drugs and man up.
Only then can we swallow our self respect and take a look at these non-music related reality shows about musicians.
The Osbournes
This was one of the very first of these "rockstar reality" shows to really hit with pop culture. The "Prince of Darkness" let us into his home to see how he is when he's not jumping up and down like he's on a pogo stick during "Iron Man". To me this ruined Ozzy for me. Not so much his music or even my liking for the guy, but his mystique. The folklore and stories have built up so much over the years that Ozzy was always talked about as a "rock-monster". I'm not saying that I never thought Ozzy was a normal family guy, but I don't think I ever wanted to see it. I wanted that loveable evil entity to remain in tact. Once the MTV cameras got inside his house you realize that Ozzy is a lot like most of our fathers. Regardless, it was very popular and probably the reason most networks started taking more chances with reality shows based on rockstars and musicians. The show became a pop culture icon and will be a trivia question and a Jeopardy answer for years to come. I know Sharon is a well respected business woman, but I highly doubt she'd be judging game shows or hosting anything without the show. I don't think Jack Osborne would be a house hold name and I know Kelly Osborne's short music career wouldn't of gotten a forth of the attention it did. To me the show accomplished one major thing. Ozzy traded his mystique for his family's fame.
Newly Weds: Nick and Jessica
I imagine the network meeting being something like this: "So we take two pop divas and get them hitched. Then hilarity ensues." "How about Jessica Simpson and one of the 98 Degree guys?" "Which one?" "Doesn't matter."(insert evil laugh) I know that's harsh, but it seems very likely in their brand of bubble gum music and lives. Outside of the fact that they were broken up not too long after the show was done, the "high spot" here was Jessica's confusion over "Chicken of the Sea" tuna. Other than that, it was a show featuring a dumb pretty guy with the personality of a rug on Prozak and a dumb pretty girl who let the network manipulate her lack of life experience. Those who think they're "ironic" or "cutesy-lame" for admitting "it was a guilty pleasure" should be neutered. It was a horrible show and I don't think did much for either of their careers in the long run.
Tommy Lee Goes To College
This show stood out to me because Tommy Lee is just a cool cat. He might not be the most intellectual celebrity out there, but the dude does seem down to earth and very fun to hang out with. That's pretty much what the show was about. They took Tommy Lee and had him go to college and interact with students, faculty, and his conveniently hot tutor. I recall him moving in with a normal slacker college guy and then completely pimping out the room to look like something out of Cribs. He went on to join the school's band, do better in his studies, and make some friends that I'm sure Lee hasn't spoken to since the show wrapped. It was a goofy show with a goofy premise, but for Tommy Lee it worked. He doesn't have a rockstar mystique like Ozzy to taint and I really don't think the show did any harm to him. I doubt I'd watch further seasons, but it didn't last long and was bitter sweet.
Meet The Barkers
This was Replace pop divas with "pop punk bad boy" and "beauty pageant winner/Playboy model" and you have pretty much the same show as Newly Weds. This show lasted two seasons as MTV stalked/followed Travis Barker of Blink 182 fame and Shanna Moakler of looking hot in random things fame. They too ended up divorcing, but made up after Barker's recent and tragic plane accident. I did try to watch this show a few times when it was on, but Barker and Moakler were very boring to watch. I'm not saying they're boring people, but their lives were too "every day" to sit down and watch. The very thought of this show has made me sleepy. Lets move on.
Flavor of Love
Call me crazy, but I did get hooked on the first season. It was fresh off Flavor Flav being very entertaining on the soul stealing "Surreal Life"(BRING IT BACK!) and I was curious. The first season of Flavor gave the world "New York". The biggest attention whore of all the reality TV I've seen. She's dumb as a box full of weaves and acts as if she's entitled to the world just for showing up. After that first season I never stuck around for anything else. As much as I enjoy the crassness of Flavor Flav, the New York chick turned me against the show. If anything, it's probably a blessing in disguise.
Rock of Love
The "Flavor of Love" show has been duplicated a few times now by the network under different creative names. They replace "Flavor" with "Rock"! GENIUS! This time with Bret Michaels of Poison. "Rock of Love" features the same "get random slutty chicks and have them slut it out over the chance to be forgotten quickly after ‘winning'" formula. It was like a bad cover song. Each show had a few seasons, a few spin offs, and for some unholy reason A LOT of viewers.
For The Love Of Ray J
Then sorta recently, VH1 threw "For The Love Of Ray J" at us. It's Brandy's little brother for those keeping track at home. For those not really keeping track Brandy is that R&B singer that got popular in the late 90's that looks like NBA guard Sam Cassell with a wig. He might even be famous most for being the guy to bang Kim Kardasian in that "leaked" porn tape. The show is the same thing as "Flavor" and "Rock", but without a good over the top lead star. Ray J is just sorta there.
Being Bobby Brown
In 2005, we got to go inside the lives of Bobby Brown and his wife Whitney Houston. That's a statement that's normally reversed as "Whitney Houston and his wife Bobby Brown" in some circles. I don't know what circles exactly, but it was fun to type. Houston was once the hottest R&B Pop Star out there and still could probably sing better than 99.9% of the pop stars and "idols" out there. Brown was in the best boy band of all time, New Edition and then had a decently successful solo career. Sadly, those career facts are overshadowed by their drug and legal problems. The show was supposed to feature Brown, but the network refused to give it the time of day unless Houston was involved. She ended up being the star with her over the top "Hell To The No" catchphrase but only wanted to do the one season. This left Bobby Brown out in the cold because with Whitney the show wasn't going to get on. Sucks too, a Bobby Brown centered show would probably be interesting to watch. This show sorta proved the sad truth that "being Bobby Brown" only matters if your wife is the star of The Bodyguard.
Snoop Dogg's Father Hood
From "The Osbornes" to this show sorta brings things full circle. Snoop Dogg was once known as one of the most "gangsta" rappers out there, while maintaining his cool stoner like swagger. Over the years the "gangsta" part faded and he's become a cartoon parody of himself with the stoner like swagger being his public image. While Ozzy lost a lot his mystique from the show, Snoop was already a pop culture novelty. I would like to be positive and thing that Snoops transformation has been due to his family and the people he keeps around him. And that's pretty much what this show was about. It was Snoop doing his thing as an every day dad, an every day dad that just so happens to have a lot of money.
What is YOUR guilty "non-music related" musician reality show?
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