[MUSIC] THE SAVAGE ANIMAL "Fantasy Musician Wrestling"
04.18.07
BY MIKEY MIGO
What we have here is a hypothetical fun fest. I'm going to put together seven match ups of musicians going at it in the squared circle. It's all based on my oddball day dream of how the event would go down. I'm going to bring some legendary performers back to life and it's in no way a jab at anyone. It's all in good fun. So without any further delay or mindless "don't scream at me" clauses, lets get this show on the road….
*Overly produced introduction video plays*
*Fireworks, walls of fire, and more pyro than 23 Wrestlemania's put together goes off*
THE MATCH
This match was booked because of the blatant rip off that My Chemical Romance is using from the likes of Bowie and a few others. Way would be younger and faster, but the emo in him slows him down due to crying. With the black eye make up in Way's eyes, Bowie capitalizes and hits the finish.
WINNER: David Bowie (via Space Odyssey Slam at 3:17)
THE MATCH
This hardcore protest match would be a battle of awesome (yet pretentious) protest rockers of our generation. To me, I didn't see much out of System of a Down on a uber political nature until RAGE faded. After a hard fought battle, Zack's inner rage (pun intended) about not putting out any albums over the past half decade or so will give him the edge. After the match, Zack would then protest himself because of "Unfair Treatment to Serj."
WINNER: Zack de la Rocha (via The Protest Pounce at 12:42)
THE MATCH
These two power duos are in their older years, but keep kicking. In this match, they get to kick each other. I grew up listening to Aerosmith more than The Rolling Stones, but I can not deny the Teflon-like make up of Keith Richards. Tyler and Perry can beat up Mick Jagger all they want, but Richards is going to come in like a house of fire and take them down. Richards annihilate them and then snorts their ashes for good measure.
WINNER: Keith Richards/Mick Jagger (via pin at 6:32)
THE MATCH
Now that Jay Z and Nas are together at Def Jam, it's on. Eminem would be quick in the match, but 50 Cent has been shot more times than Robocop and that is a factor. The match would go back and forth, but the ending would be disrupted. A MASKED PERSON comes in and kidnaps Eminem. 50 Cent would then chase after and leave the ring. Since there is no Count Outs in Fantasy Musician Wrestling, it's declared a No Contest.
WINNER: NO CONTEST (Eminem is kidnapped @ 9:29)
THE MATCH
WINNER: Prince (via Chris Rock at 4:09)
THE MATCH
What can be said? Both of these men are two of the most legendary rap artists of all time. Both of them saw their time come way too soon, but their music will keep them alive. In this hypothetical match up, it would be a brawl. I'd think it would be like a good Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe match. Biggie's size comes into a factor in the end when he gets the pin on Pac after a big power move. Afterwards, they shake hands and rest in peace.
WINNER: The Notorious B.I.G. (via The Hypnotizer at 13:17)
THE MATCH
Two generations would be divided with this match, but it would be a good one. John Lennon had Ringo and Cobain had Dave Grohl. Cobain had that going for him at least. Both icons also have the wife that many people dislike and cult like followings to this day. They'd go back and forth the entire match in between stalling. Kurt would mope around and Lennon would be paranoid the US Government was after him. In the end it would have no winner. It would end up being an great match, but still overrated match in vein of their music.
WINNER: TIME LIMIT DRAW (15:00)
Announcer
Next Week on FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING, we already have two big matches signed… Davey Havok of AFI vs. Marilyn Manson and Dave Matthews vs. John Mayer. Rumors are going rapid that who the masked person is that kidnapped Eminem!
*Credits Roll*
*Fade Out*
I hope that comes off as fun and entertaining to read because it was very fun and entertaining to write. I think we're all allowed to just goof off in a productive way now and again. That was my allowed time.
If you disagreed with my booking, have other ideas, or just want to tell me how lame that was feel free to drop me a line. If we get positive feedback, the FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING shows might return.
BLOGS
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