BY MIKEY MIGO
I listen to a lot of music and pride myself on being open minded to new music experiences. I don't pigeon hold myself to one specific genre and can appreciate anything from classical to Outkast to Sinatra to AC/DC to even a little Justin Timberlake and many others in between. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll all agree that I make great mix CDs. I do listen to mostly everything, but am not shy to let my honest opinion be shared. I can't stand Nickelback. I think Lil Wayne is the soundtrack of the short bus. I often contemplate reporting the growlers in speed metal as musical terrorists. For close to a year, once or so a month I'll turn this column into a "First Impression" where I'll listen to an artist or band that I've never given a fair listen to and give my honest opinions of their ENTIRE discography. I love music and am always in search of something new to add to my musical lexicon.
When it comes down to it, it's all subjective. What I like, you might not. What you like, I might not. It's all preference and what floats your boat. Being from small town, Indiana, I've heard PLENTY of country music in my life to know that I HATE the genre. I find no value in it at all, but you might. Good for you, but odds are if you're sensitive to a stranger's opinions then this column is not for you. I don't type this with a bit of scorn in my tone no matter how you take it. It's just music and if you find joy in it, okay. I just feel that country music is ear poison and I'm going to share with you why I feel that way.
BLANKET STIGMA
Let's get the main stereotypes out of the way. Country music is mainly funded by southerner fans. Typically, you could call this group of people "rednecks" or "hillbillies". I've encountered many educated and fine functioning people who support this genre of music, but it doesn't change the perception. It's a "yee-haw" and a side of grits away from a gun rally. It's perceived as music for the lower, dimmer class. And while that's completely unfair to say, there is some truth to every stereotype. Like they say, "Where there's smoke, there's fire".
LYRICAL CONTENT
The old joke has always been "What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your job back, and your dog back". Even as a young child I got that joke. In modern country there are only two song styles and they are at the opposite extremes. There's the fun, happy, "feel good" stuff and then there's that shallow despair and "Woe is me" stuff. It's "Yee-haw! Let's have a beer and ride a tractor" on one side of the coin and the bullshit ballad on the other. I always jokingly disliked country, but after 9/11 it really hit me how bad modern country is. The exploitation of the tragic event was vomit inducing. The ignorance spewed by the biggest stars at that time gave America a bad name in a horrible situation. But even that aside, we have the "truck/tractor" shit, the "I miss the good ol' days" shit, the "I love my family" shit, and the "I can do it" shit for the females. The ideology of some of it is respectable, but not when it's done over and over and over again. It's bullshit heart-tugging and as trite as any lyrics come. It's cool you love your country, but how about presenting that idea with some fucking substance? Hip Hop is often criticized because of its lyrical content and like any genre there are some horribly written songs, but I firmly believe it's of more substance. For every "bitches and ho" song there are a hundred "save a horse ride a cowboy" or "she thinks my tractor's sexy". One is more vulgar than the other, but both are equally as offensive to ones intelligence.
FAKE TWANG
The "twang" is so annoying. I'm NOT saying the southern accent is annoying because there is a HUGE difference. Take a song, dumb it down, add a "twang" to your voice and YOU could be a country music star! It just sounds fake in modern country. Listen to Johnny Cash, Willie "Gimme My Weed" Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, or any of the old schoolers. They do have a southern accent, but it's not this bullshit "twang" that rich folk from the south use while wearing their cowboy hats and boots. It's like playing "Cowboys and Indians" with the Indians.
CORPORATE IMAGE
If Brit, Justin, GaGa, or any of today's bigger pop stars sang their songs with a twang then they'd EASILY be "country". There is really no difference other than the twang and sometimes the attire between pop music and country music. Most songs are written by someone else. Country music is pretty much American Idol without the English judge. It's overly produced drivel with a corporate imagining. Pretty people in their pre-ripped jeans, designer shirts with the sleeves ripped off, and a hat more expensive than most cars I've rode in doesn't make you an "outlaw", it makes you a douche in dress up. But it's sneaky because no one admits to it. Other genres have their tastes of "dress up", but with country it's different. We know KISS don't wear the face paint and costumes off stage, but with country they've kept the long secret that their image is "real". Even so, there's nothing different within the country genre. It's either clean cut pop star or "cowboy". The "when's the next photo opp" mentality of country is a farce.
"OUTSIDER" ACCEPTANCE
Yeah, I'm going there. I'm calling country out on its race issues. Flat out, I don't find this worth researching AT ALL and am going purely based on my experience and observations. Cowboy Troy hit the scene and was basically made a novelty act because he was the "rappin' cowboy". That didn't last long, did it? Now a day, "Hootie" is actually getting some love from the country community. Darius Rucker had a pretty big career in the 90's as part of "Hootie and The Blowfish", but soon after a few albums his career faded hard. Now he's using his admittedly great voice to sing country and to me is breaking down some barriers for African Americans in country. In fact, in my experience, and I'm sure as hell hoping it's not the same everywhere, those who listen to country are the quickest people to spout our racist bullshit. I've literally heard it with my own ears. I can recall making an open ended statement about not liking country music and someone's retort was spewing racial hate towards rap music. This is even when I didn't even mention rap music AT ALL. It's like a go-to defense and should be smothered with a piss soaked pillow. Look at the other genres. Eminem, a white dude, is having an iconic career in hip hop as Hendrix had one of the biggest rock careers arguable ever. Those are just the easy ones. There have been plenty of white rappers and plenty of black rockers. While certain genres may be more represented by one race, the barriers are lowered and with talent it's an open field. I can't think of one African American FEMALE country singer. I'll even say "current female" to be fair. Is it because African Americans don't want in the country music scene or is it they just wouldn't be accepted by the good ol' boys?
SIMPLISTIC BY DESIGN
The musicianship of country just flat out blows for the most part. Pretty much every other genre has more depth to their musical stylings. The musicianship is tame as warm milk. It's boring and repetitive. Sure all musical genre's sound the same as the next when you don't listen to it regularly, but I've honestly tried (by force, but still). County's sister genre in Bluegrass has muuuuuch more interesting music than the simplistic drivel of country. There aren't many chord changes at all and what there is predictable. It's "Summertime Blues" over and over again with the same stories. We've covered the lyrics already, but the music might even be worse. I like music to take me on an unexpected journey. Country doesn't do that at all.
SOLD OUT ROOTS
My grandmother was a country music fan and I heard a lot of real shit back in the day. "All my ex's are from Texas" STILL rings in my ears from time to time. That kind of stuff was not only witty, but had a firm grasp of substance. Old school country and western music, while not my cup of tea, was something I could at least respect. Cash, Loretta Lynn, Conway Twitty, George Jones, The Hanks, Buck Owens, Waylon Jennings, and the like were the REAL DEAL. These artists put out songs about their real lives. It was gritty, dirty, and sometimes nasty but these artists were real enough to get across a legitimate emotion. I don't hear that now when I come across modern country. You think Taylor Swift really has anything to say of relevance? Why should we give a shit at all about ANYTHING Toby Keith has to say? It's like comparing real bikers to corporate douche's riding their bikes on the weekend.
IT KILLS PEOPLE!
While I am being light hearted about this, I still wish I was kidding here. In 2004 there was a study of what music genre has a higher suicide rate. It's not Ozzy's backward albums telling us to kill ourselves and it's not even the razorblade loving emo kids. Yep, you guessed it's country music. The study was that cities in while radio stations have more country music have more suicides. It seems silly and all, but James Gundlach and Steven Stack won NOBEL PRIZES for this study. There's got to be SOME merit to it.
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