BY MIKEY MIGO
When I was putting this together, I was listing all the celebrity musicians I could think of. After some research; by research I mean talking to a friend we'll call "Commodore Manlove"(sorry boys, he's hetro); I realized there's a lot more out there hidden in the discount bins. We went back and forth with the obvious and then he trailed off with what seemed like an endless list. I'll now attempt to cover what I recall and what's relevant...
Okay! So that's the column! *looks around* Dammit, I need a laugh track. Celebrity musicians ARE relevant, dammit! Especially in their minds. Lets take a look in order of seeming success.
 Actor: Jared Leto
Band: 30 Seconds to Mars
The most known band that feature's an actor is currently 30 Seconds to Mars. Created in 1998 by Jared Leto and his brother, Shannon, the band merely began as a small family project. Things obviously took off. Although Jared Leto is an actor, he prefers not to use his fame to promote the band; in fact, the band refuses to play at venues that use his Hollywood fame to promote shows. A few years ago, I saw this band open up for Sevendust. It was before the first album was released and their performance was a bit too boring for the environment. During the break in the last track "Capricorn," I don't know why, but I shouted at the top of my lungs "CHEW MY FORESKIN." A statement that personally makes no sense, but it got a great laugh from the crowd. The band didn't appreciate it, but it was the start of my mission to get that phrase out there as much as possible. In retrospect, I still laugh, but feel bad because after hearing the self titled album on CD I really dug it. It wasn't a great album, but it met my preferred style and showed a lot of potential. Then they went all mainstream emo with "A Beautiful Lie" and made me feel a lot better about the foreskin comment from years before. However, during recent live shows, the band has been playing two new songs which are progressive, similar to that of the band's self titled debut album as opposed to the vomit in my mouth style of emo that is "A Beautiful Lie." So there is still hope! With five singles in the US Modern Rock Hot 100, over a half million albums sold, and constant touring this band seems to of secured it's place in music.
 Actor: Juliette Lewis
Band: Juliette and The Licks
Juliette Lewis takes her music seriously and seems to be building creditability and a fanbase. The singer is currently taking time out of acting to tour with her band, and urges critics to think carefully before they blast stars for trying their hand at new things - provided they are truly talented. She says, "Look at KEANU REEVES. He didn't go into (grunge band) DOGSTAR as a big star. He wasn't frontman. He just played bass and kept back. That takes a lot of guts." The Licks has one EP and two full length albums released one a year since 2004. Three of the band's singles have charted in the UK at 35, 56, and 50 respectively. Speaking of respect, Foo Fighters frontman, Dave Grohl enlisted the band to support their huge 2006 Hyde Park concert of 85,000 people. This band is seemingly touring a lot lately so keep your eyes open and check out a show. I'd love to hear about it.
 Actor: Keanu Reeves
Band: Dogstar
The roots of Dogstar traces back to when Keanu Reeves and Robert Mailhouse met in a supermarket. From starting out just jamming it out in private to going public, the band has always just seemed like a creative forum for the group. Mailhouse is also an actor who has appeared in popular soap opera, Days of Our Lives and Seinfeld. In 1995 they opened for Bon Jovi in Australia and New Zealand and shared a stage with David Bowie. I won't say much about Bon Jovi, but sharing a stage with David Bowie is credible in my books. The band seemed to get around most in the mid-90's as they toured and even played the 1999 Glastonbury Festival. Despite being heckled by the crowd throwing beer, fruit and tennis balls at them during the gig, it's still an accomplishment in my opinion. One EP and two albums put out, their last performance before breaking up was in October 2002 in Japan. Reeves and Mailhouse later performed together in band Becky, although they left in December 2005 due to "creative differences." One must wonder if Dogstar really took off would be of seen the Matrix trilogy, Constantine, and other gems that Reeves has put out. I think it's only a matter of time before Reeves gets back behind the bass because he does truly seem to love playing. He should just hook back up with Alex Winters and the princesses and reform the Wyld Stallyns. That would be Excellent!
 Actor: Kevin Bacon
Band: The Bacon Brothers
The whole "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game is popular among many people, but one of the more notorious actor musicians is Kevin Bacon. The Bacon Brothers has been around for a while. Thanks to Footloose, we know Kevin Bacon can dance, but in this band he gets to show off his singing and guitar playing skills. He is joined onstage by his brother Michael, an Emmy-winning film and TV composer. I've not personally heard any of their work, but the fact they continue to pursue music is respectable.
 Actor: Dennis Quaid
Band: Dennis Quaid and the Sharks
In my research, there wasn't much to be found about the history or story to go with Dennis Quaid and the Sharks outside of the fact that Quaid if a big fan of Phish. In a review of a concert from a few years ago it listed a lot of covers that include "Treat Her Right," "Not Fade Away," "Spill The Wine," "Great Balls Of Fire," "Whole Lotta Shaking Going On," "Gloria," "Slow Down" and "Matchbox." If you're like me, which you probably shouldn't be, you'd instantly see the Jerry Lee Lewis covers in there. I love the film "Great Balls of Fire" and Quaid's portrayal of the legendary Lewis. Those are the tracks I'm the most interested in hearing sometime. The band also has original works which might be checking out.
Actor: Russell Crowe
Band: 30 Odd Foot of Grunts/Russell Crowe and The Ordinary Fear of God
Not much has been made public about the Aussie Oscar winner's new band, but we can say this much: It's certainly got a better name than his last effort, 30 Odd Foot of Grunts.
Actor: Bruce Willis
Band: Bruno
In the late 80's, Bruce Willis was fresh off Moonlighting and had something to prove in the way of music. So he went under the new moniker of "Bruno" and recorded an album entitled "The Return of Bruno." Return from what, I don't know. This album included a hit track called "Respect Yourself" and was promoted by a mockumentary in vein of Spinal Tap where he played in historic performances like Woodstock. It wasn't all that successful, but he still occasionally return to the studio. There are reports that when Ashton Kutcher was told about this he got really pissed because in his contract it says he cannot be Punk'd.
 Actor: Steven Seagal
Band: Thunderbox
I'm sure you'll all join me in a healthy laugh at the thought of Steven Seagal performing in a band, but he does take his music seriously. Steven Seagal's band "Thunderbox" seemingly has a big following over seas. So big that the demand has warranted a tour in January of 2007 to support the current album "Mojo Priest". The first single is titled "Alligator Ass" and is getting some mild airplay in (INSANE) markets. The first album came out in 2005 entitled "Songs from the Crystal Cave" where Mr. Hard Justice is credited with "Lead Vocals, Rhythm and Lead Guitar" and is on the front cover oh so emotionally cradling and playing a guitar. How SNL or Mad TV hasn't jumped all over this I'll never know. I assure you it's all true and I wish I was making this shit up.
 Actor: Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy has quite possibly had the most box office success of any of the SNL alumni, but that hasn't translated into album sales. Murphy had two hits in the 80's, "Party All the Time" and "Put Your Mouth on Me." I kid you not, the guy got away with a song called "Put Your Mouth on Me." The former of the two hits is the most recognizable and was produced by the late Rick James. The critics didn't care in 2004 when VH1 and Bender magazine voted "Party All the Time" as the number seven worst song of all time. Then in the 90's "Mr. Robinson" released another album entitled "Love's Alright." The single "Whatzupwitu," not only featured Michael Jackson on vocals but also a surreal technicolor video. While the song was iffy, the visuals in the video weren't that bad. Again, critics didn't care and voted it the third worst video in the MTV era. Despite all of this, Eddie almost signed with Simon Cowell's label in 1994, but eventually didn't. Murphy's vocal skills haven't gone unused as he he's sang in a few movies such as Coming to America and Shrek 2. With all of the bashing aside, he does have talent and I feel bad for him never really getting a fair chance or a good writer.
Actresses:Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Hilary Duff, etc.
I hate to be stereotypical, but it seems that a lot of younger women feel that deep down inside they are talented singers. It's a shame they are wrong. They very well may be fine up and coming actresses, but they should avoid the mic. To be fair one or two might break out as a credible singer, but n 10 years when most of these ladies look back they're going to be embarrassed about it or at least should be. Just imagine how those who actually paid for these albums will feel.
 Wrestler: Randy "Macho Man" Savage
Back when I was taking the occasion indy wrestling road trip this album was a hot topic. Not for the legitimacy of the content or because of Macho's mad rap skills, but because of the hilarity of this novelty album. The 2003 album, "Be A Man" did have semi-decent beats, but Macho's voice is not meant for the hip hop world. Savage used the album to make fun of Hulk Hogan and challenge him to a fight along with a tribute song to Curt Hennig. Both entertaining and full of effort, it was just out of place for the most famous spokesman of Slimjims to bust a flow. I think Dan Aquilante said it best in his New York Post review, his album "defies the laws of physics by blowing and sucking at the same time." Sometimes that's what makes a classic.
Wrestler: John Cena
I'm not a fan of his wrestling in the least bit and I'm not a fan of his music the same. The difference between John Cena and Men on a Mission is that Oscar was probably a better wrestler AND rapper yet didn't get to produce an album. Hell, the same can be said about PG13 when they were with The Nation of Domination. I still hum their version of the theme song in my head from time to time. Sorry, to trail off. Anywho, John Cena's first and hopefully ONLY album is garbage. At least Macho Man didn't try to come off as being a thug and from the streets as this lamefuck does. The album had two overly produced videos in "Bad Bad Man" and the vomit inducing "Right Now." I say screw "seeing you," I wish your slogan was "You can't hear me."
Sure there is plenty more actors, actresses, and celebrities tossing their hats into the music world, but I just wanted to cover a few to get the point across. There's the likes of Shaquille O'Neal's rap albums from the 90's that I owned multiple copies of (I hate myself) and Germany's favorite David Hasselhoff out there as well for our listening displeasure.
How some of these celebrities can go from million dollar budget movies to performing in front of a few hundred people in a smokey club is impressive. One must wonder if they're paying their dues in the music business or just living out a fantasy of being a rockstar. The old saying is that "every actor wants to be a rockstar" seems even more likely today. If we look at the examples and careers of Will Smith or Usher who did it the other way around, it's obvious that a popular musician crossing over to the world of movies is a lot easier.
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