BY MIKEY MIGO
It has been said this band could "use somebody". By somebody I think they mean tone deaf drunk people who think their pseudo-soul is written specifically for them. It's pop music for people who are too old or too white for normal pop music. For the past few years there have been a few bands that we continue to hear nothing but great stuff about. It gets annoying because most music fans with half a brain can tell when they're being hyped to or sold on something. Never the less, there are still those of the mindless masses who condone mediocrity. Kings of Leon represent mediocrity.
The band formed in the late 90's and have put out about a half dozen albums so far. They were an indie darling until the song "Use Somebody" hit big. From small clubs to arenas, they grew to be one of the biggest bands today. I don't get it. A few months ago I did a "First Impressions of Kings of Leon". I listened to every single studio album released till that point and they were okay. Their first few albums were pretty damn decent, but as time went on you could hear them shift into something shitty. But even before their commercialization they were dicks. Talking smack, being snobbish, and assuming their value to the world as being much higher than it really is.
I know it's considered "cool" when bands are dicks and obnoxious. Back in the day, Morrison was obnoxious and controversial as was many before and after him. There's just a difference here. There is the "Frank The Tank"-likeable obnoxious and then there is the douche-unlikable types who have no redeeming qualities. Kings of Leon fit into that last grouping. If you enjoy their music, so be it. You can like someone's product or art and not the person behind it. For me, it's just hard knowing how lame these screw-tards are. Let's take a look at a few examples why Kings of Leon Suck…
Monkees Meets NSync Meets Skynyrd
Like the Monkees, NSync, and many bands before the Kings of Leon are a profit hungry manufactured band. Screw the art and integrity of making music. This joke of a band wants money and as much as possible no matter what. This means they don't care about their long time fans at all and there are interviews out there that say this. When the band was signed by RCA it was just Nathan and Caleb Followill. The label wanted to put a band together on their own, but they decided to do it themselves. They enlisted their little brother to not only play bass, but specifically learn it to fill in that role. Their cousin Matthew was brought on board because he played guitar when he was ten years old. Caleb then decided teach himself guitar. So pretty much other than their drummer, the band had no idea at all what they were doing when they started. In fact it's said that songwriter Angelo Petraglia is responsible for most of their early songs… you know, the good ones. In more recent years Caleb does most of the writing. Jared Followill had an interview where he talked about how the band had to step in and throw some bows in order to get their proper credit, "We ended up going to his house so that when the record comes out he can't go, 'Dude, I'm getting 70 per cent of this shit.'" Then Matt added, "We basically go to his house for the royalties." What kind of shit is that? Think of how many musicians, REAL musicians, out there that would KILL for a record deal after years of putting in the work. Think about all the hardship stories you've heard bands tell after they've "made it". It's not a jealousy thing. I'm not a musician and I am fully aware that more and more bands are manufactured and pushed to the stars before earning their stripes. To me this hurts music and art in general. What the fuck is "making it" now in 2010? How can a band or person appreciate what they have when there was no struggle, no journey, and no real thriving passion for it? The entitlement of this band is sickening…. More on that….
Douche Bags
While playing the V Festival, Kings of Leon pulled no stops in showcasing their douche baggery. A lesser known band on the bill. I'm suspicious about this situation so I don't want to give them any unmerited pub-love. So for conversations sake, I'm calling them Gravy Adam, made it pretty clear in one of their blogs that Kings of Leon are pretty big pansies. The backstage area is pretty much taken over by them as their demand list is as retardiculous as a hair band full of pop divas. Backstage at a festival show is pretty chaotic. There are multiple bands, crews, and random people running around mostly having a good time and joking around with each other. I'm not going to talk about that kind of stuff like I'm an expert or anything. Through credentials, film shoots, and friends, I've been backstage at a few bigger shows, a whole lot of club shows, and even more smaller bar shows. The atmosphere is always a crap shoot. I just don't get how a band can be such pricks to each other like Kings of Leon are. At this show, the Gravy Adam peeps told us of their experiences with the great almighty Kings of Leon. They arrived in four blacked out Range Rovers. One for each King. Then they basically tell of security keeping the other bands away from half of the toilets because of them being reserved for the band. To be honest this bands account of the situation kind of makes them sound like dicks too. Apparently there was "almost a fight" between bands because Gravy Adam flipped Kings of Leon off. Eh. I want to side with the little band, but the blog comes off as if they're trying to paint themselves as the underdog/little guy. It's like flipping off a Range Rover is some grand gesture of defiance against the evil commercial rock band. Then again, I'm writing a column about them as well.
Bad Shows
I've read many accounts that Kings of Leon suck live. I personally can't vouch for this, but have heard from people who have experience their ass gapping show more than once. In 2009 their suckatude got global attention. At the 2009 Readings Festival, Caleb unleashed on the unimpressed crowd with the question, "I thought this was supposed to be the loudest crowd in the world?" Picking up on a perceived hostility towards the band, he announced "we know you're sick of Kings of Leon, so for all those who don't give a fuck about us, I understand. But we've worked fucking hard to get here. So anyone that has anything to say to us, fuck you. We're the goddamn Kings of Leon." Afterwards they destroyed their equipment and made "rude gestures" towards the crowd. And OF COURSE there is an excuse for this behavior. Caleb went on to call that time his "Kurt Cobain moment". He went on to explain, "That was my Kurt Cobain moment when I was hating the success and I was scared that people were thinking that we did this on purpose, that we made this record so that it could be big." Dude… come the fuck on! I don't want to twist anyone's words around, but there's two issues here. First, is he being disrespectful to Kurt Cobain by belittling his obvious mental issues? Second… is he… the dude who sings pussy lite-rock ballads… comparing himself in ANY WAY to Kurt Cobain? Love Nirvana or not, but Kings of Leon are about a million miles below them in status. In fact, I'd say Kings of Leon are somewhere between Nickelback and William Hung.
Coattailing or Mouth Running?
You know what's even more popular and even more annoying than Kings of Leon? Glee! I don't have to explain why Glee is lame. It's High School Musical meets American Idol and people can't get enough of it. Apparently Kings of Leon got wind of this and wanted attention. So they go out and claim they turned down Glee and wouldn't allow them to use their music. That's SO BAD ASS. I mean, dude!, bro! they like totally dissed that popular show about effeminate kids singing karaoke in school…. Wow! You know what's really bad ass? The fact that Glee producers deny ever asking them in the first place. Nice try, Kings… you ALMOST got us.
Not As Good As Arcade Fire
For some reason the band really likes to run their mouths off about things that have nothing to do with them. Nathan Followill, their drummer, had this to say: "Now it's cool to have 14 people in your band doing everything but contributing musically, running around with a helmet on your head, hitting it with a drumstick. You gotta look at what you're in this for: the love of music? The fame? You can have all that if you're smart and play your cards right and don't become a dick." Dude, pot-kettle-black. You've become the dick. Arcade Fire, even as they rise to bigger and better things STILL haven't really sold out like Kings of Leon. Why even bring them up? It's just going to isolate your fans. Arcade Fire or Kings of Leon? That's not even a choice. It's a joke. Arcade Fire is leaps and bounds better than them.
Fear of Birds
A bad case of the "ewwies" isn't an illness; it's a legitimate reason for Kings of Leon to cancel a show. In July of 2010, Mother Nature had enough. With Kings of Leon playing a lot of festivals in her backyard, she had to fight back. Three songs into their set at a St. Louis show a pigeon flew over and unleashed a nice wet poo on them. First and then twice on the bass player, finally a fiery of poo is dropped on the band. The band then runs off stage in fear of the poo. It is then announced that the show is CANCELLED due to "safety issues". Those who were close up paid $200 to hear three songs… and to see Kings of Leon run off scared shitless. Well, not shitless but you get the point. I can understand going off stage and cleaning yourself up and then coming back on. I mean who wants to be poo'd on outside of those weird German videos your little sister watches? It's just the fact they cancelled the show because of this. At least when real bands cancel it's because of an arrest, drugs, women, or at least illness.
You can like whatever you want, but how in the hell can you defend these tools?
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