BY MIKEY MIGO
 HEY MUSIC WORLD, MIKEY MIGO IS YOUR HOOK UP!
If I were your personal gift giving icon, I'd be the best hook up for those on my "Good List." In an overused tradition of hypothetical gift giving genre of columns I will cave in and give out the gifts to those who need them the most. Of course I'm talking about your millionaire rockstars and rappers!
I want to give the Guns N Roses fans a reason to keep living and that is in fact another FULL YEAR of delays for "Chinese Democracy." I too was a huge GNR fan and they were the first CD I owned as a child, but enough is enough. It could be the White Album and it still wouldn't have lived up to ten years of hype. So for those who are grasping on to 1992, I give you more delay to continue having faith. I have a feeling when it does finally come out in 2013 that it will not be as good as any older album (Spaghetti Incident not included) and people will be jumping off bridges. I really hope I'm wrong. Axel Rose, the ball is in your court.
I would give all the emo kids in the world a box of Kleenex. It may sound harsh but it'll be an evil and spooky black box with a pink bunny on it. That's what you kids like these days, right? Bunnies?
I want to give the entire world a hyphie mix tape. The world to jump around, act crazy, and have some fun. It's a crazy world out there and this would only make things better.
If I could I'd give all metal bands gift certificates to buy some new clothes. The "jeans and T-shirt" metal scene is boring and all sounds the same. The least you could do is wear something that makes you stand out from the kids in the mosh pit.
All the bands that are on the underground will be lifted "above ground." It's hard to breath when you're under the ground. That's my cute way of saying that band like Mindless Self Indulgence, Saul Williams, Fashion Bomb, Tech N9ne, and all of those other "future icon" type of bands have their biggest success in 2007.
I will give Trent Reznor the relaxation he needs. He's toured for about two years straight and has been constantly working on the next Nine Inch Nails album. For a guy who's known for releasing a new album every four to five years to be doing this has to be warping his brain. Hopefully that'll show in the music. He's easily the top guy to go to when you want to put your finger on an emotion and get it out.
I give Marilyn Manson a new controversy to strike people's nerves. He's done pretty much all I can think of to cause protests, make people feel uncomfortable, and make headlines. I give him an unsought controversy to utilize and to release another great "Antichrist Superstar" like album.
I give Sevendust a new label that'll promote them and utilize their talents. Sevendust is one of my favorite bands, but is really underappreciated for their awesome music and live performances. If more people know what they were missing Sevendust would lead the rockers on the Billboard charts. A Sevendust/Godsmack tour would make me moist and I don't even have moistening parts.
I give the city of Chicago more recognition for the great fucking music scene hiding under the surface. Bands like Fashion Bomb, Odium Nation, Pure Motorized Instinct, Shades of Fiction, Emisis, and so many others have put out some of the best music I've heard in my entire life. How these bands aren't signed to a major label is beyond me, but I give them all as much exposure as they really do deserve.
I want to give Eminem the same as I gave Marilyn Manson except I also want to give him a break from all the drama he gets himself into. Go somewhere secluded write an album and relax.
I would give The Dresden Dolls more exposure because their talents are unique and they should be seen by the world.
I give myself concert tickets to all the dream concerts in 2007. I'm wanting to see odd combinations like NIN and MSI, U2 and David Bowie, GNR and Velvet Revolver, and many many more.
 THE BAD LIST: MIGO CLAUS STRIKES BACK!
Yeah, all that I said was nice and heart felt but now I want to punish those who deserve it...
I will give all emo bands their own identity. Bauhaus, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, and so many others have done the "goth" look already and have mastered it. There's no reason for a whiny kid with bad hair to be wearing black eyeliner and all of the Hot Topic fashion line. Red and Blue eyeliner runs when you weep just as well as the black. Give it up!
Suburbanite kids who wear their baseball caps sideways or crooked. Do you realize how trashy and how much like K-Fed you look like? Fred Durst called and he wants his "flava" back.
New found Flava Flav fans. Just because you scream "Yeeeeah Boy" or "Flava Flaaaav" doesn't give you any street credibility. Flava Flav was and is part of one of the most influencial hip hop groups of all time, Public Enemy. Listen to their music, read their lyrics, and educate yourself on a revolution not a reality TV show.
I want to put all Country Musicans on a barge and send them over to Europe. They've given us their Euro pop music and techno so lets fight fire with fire. You guys deal with rednecks with cowboy hats singing the same songs over and over. It's just like Techno except no drug will make it entertaining. I've tried.
I will cancel all children's cable subscription to The Disney Channel. Hannah Montana? High School Musician? What!? Back in my day Disney was good for Duck Tales and classic CARTOONS like that. What makes this even worse is that Disney now shows MORE MUSIC THAN MTV.
Dear MTV,
THE DISNEY CHANNEL SHOWS MORE MUSIC THAN YOU!
Signed,
Mikey MiGo
P.S. YO MAMA SUCKS!
Hinder fans owe us all a few hours of our lives back because of all the hype that's been put on this so called music. I heard a lot of hoopla about the band and was open-minded and checked it out. I hate you.
I am trying to keep being hostile and angry, but it's the Holidays and it's hard to keep this up. I'll hate more later.
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