BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“The Return Of WCW”
Wrestling works in a big cycle. What’s popular today will suck in the near future. What’s old school today will likely be brought back in a fresh way down the line. I’ve heard some people say it’s “every seven years”. I don’t know about a specific time frame, but I do think history repeats itself. Eventually the WWE will run itself thin and have to bring back something from the old days to go with. Why not WCW? The original “WCW Invasion” was a huge flop. How badly would they screw up its second coming?
Here is what shouldn’t, but could happen. Just having a group of WCW vets show up and invade would be cool, but this isn’t about cool. They’d drag out the promo videos saying WCW is returning in six weeks. For the month and half we’d see guys like Santino and Zack Ryder talk about in the back and the announcers wouldn’t give it too much attention. Then finally, the sixth week arrives. WCW’s Nitro theme plays and surprisingly Triple H comes to the ring. He talks about how he only married Stephanie to get control of the WWE and that for like ten or so years it’s all be one big plan. He insists that people call him Tera Ryzer, his WCW name… his “REAL NAME”!, and that HE is going to be the one to lead WCW to a new era.
They get the Smackdown time slot. They make it 3 long hours. Since this hypothetical nightmare is happening in an alternate reality, let’s say it’s in a few months. Smackdown gets all the old WCW guys to come back, but NO ONE from TNA and no one new. This means Sting, Hogan, Jarrett, and all of those old guys will NOT be part of this WCW. Instead, Triple H.. er.. “Tera Ryzer” brings in random legends and has them do their WCW gimmicks. Foley is “Cactus Jack”, Bret Hart shows up and is even less charismatic, Booker T is “G.I. Bro” for some reason, Big Show becomes “The Giant”, Rey Mysterio Jr. shows up without his mask because in WCW he lost it, Jericho comes back with a weave in his hair, etc., etc. etc.
They’d need a belt and for some reason this would be a problem. The answer would be David Arquette showing up with his old championship belt. Triple H/”Tera” would want him to keep being champion because WCW is “all about the star power”. This would go on for a while and lead to a big Wrestlemania/Starcade match for all the marbles. It would be Vince McMahon coming in to defend his company one last time teaming up with the WWE’s poster boy John Cena taking on Triple H/”Tera Ryzer” and WCW Champion David Arquette.
Who wins? The fans! That’s who!
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