BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“Hulk Hogan Retires From TNA”
It’s only a matter of time before Hulk Hogan overstays his welcome in TNA. For most fans, me included, he overstayed his welcome a long time ago. He hogs up camera time with the lame assumption that people still give two shits about him. I doubt he’ll get bored because he’s making money, getting attention, and being given pretty much whatever he wants. Others will have to overshadow him and actually draw crowds before he is pushed to the backburner. TNA doesn’t seem to be gaining much momentum either way so their stuck in a “Hulk Hogan Stalemate” so to speak. Hogan and the southern WCW stink is what makes TNA hard to really take seriously. No matter how good some of the talent is, it always feels like one of those weird legend reunion shows with indie guys being featured that no one really knows or cares about. This is a shame for guys like Aries, Roode, AJ, Daniels, Joe, Abyss, and the guys who were always around and put out great performers over the years. The constant push of the former WWE and WCW people just makes their own homegrown guys look inferior and weak.
The first step to really getting things going in the right direction would be to get rid of Hulk Hogan. I’m not saying he has to be fired. He did plenty for professional wrestling and deserves a proper send off. The problem is that Hulk Hogan will never leave and if he gets any “send off” it would only inflate his ego even more. This could get messy…
Hulk Hogan has to go out on his back. He just does. It’s what wrestling demands on long time veterans is just one tradition in wrestling that should always be respected. No matter how great of a career someone has they should leave the business on the losing end of a match. It gives whoever puts them out a special “rub” that adds to their credibility, but I think it’s more than that. Allow me to get a little too transcendent for a wrestling ramble and say I think it’s also about “energy”. I just think about someone putting in so much passion and time into a career that when they lose that “energy” is then carried on by whoever put them out. It crosses the lines of different legacies and is a piece of the puzzle that is the wrestling universe. I know that sounds crazy to a lot of people, but those that get it really get it. I might not be a big fan of the guy, but I have no reason not to assume that Hogan “gets it”.
Hogan comes out on an Impact and announces that he is going to retire and finish the final chapter in his wrestling career. He is going to find a new authority to replace him. For the next few weeks he teases and speculates that a whole bunch of people could replace him. Everyone from Steve Austin to Warrior to Ted Turner to Shane McMahon is “teased” in cheap and obviously shoddy ways. It is finally revealed to be Sting. This confuses people because they already thought Sting had an authority type of role. This is TNA so it doesn’t matter. Sting and Hogan shake hands and stroke each other’s egos for his send off. At that point, all of the home grown TNA guys come out and attack! Aries, Roode, AJ, Daniels, Joe, Abyss, Storm, and the like all attack Hogan. Hogan gets fired up and says that since Sting is now the new authority figure that he wants a sixty day contract to go out on top of the mountain. Sting agrees, of course.
From this point on, the “real TNA guys” cut promos about how Hogan was stealing their spotlight, their money, their camera time, and their youth. Hogan, as a face, claims he never respected those guys and neither did TNA’s office. That’s why they brought him in, Angle, Hardy, and everyone else. He is going to leave TNA as the Champion. He has to work his way up the ladder. So every week he has a 3 to 5 minute match with a TNA guy. He beats them and jobs them out. He bumps twice each match and even wins a few by submission. He makes all of the young TNA guys look weak in the process. He finally gets to the last day of his contract and he has a big title match against, let’s say, Austin Aries. In 3 minutes, yes 3 minutes, Hogan takes Aries down with ease. He celebrates as the crowd goes mild. At this point, Sting enters to celebrate with him and attacks him! Sting cuts a promo talking about how he always hated Hogan and he’s not going to hold anyone down like he has done his entire career any more. Sting walks out as Hogan crawls to the mic. He says that since he’s still under contract until the end of the night how about they go at it one more time. Sting accepts and says it for the TNA belt. They have a 4 minute match. Sting wins after the ref gives a really quick three count. Fade out!
Hogan leaves, TNA is “buried”, and Sting carries the torch of “youth”…
That is how you make an impact!
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