BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“Jeff Jarrett’s NEW Promotion!”
It’s known that TNA was originally a Jarrett project. Jerry Jarrett, Jeff Jarrett, and hell it seemed like the whole family was all very hands on in the early days of TNA. I’d even go as far as saying “the good old days of TNA” instead of “early days”. Back then the shows seemed more inspired. They made “new product” mistakes, but overall the product had a way more unique personality. It felt like a real alternative to the WWE. Now it’s a watered down hybrid of WWE Smackdown and WCW Saturday Night. Despite good talent and good matches, it’s just not fun to watch. If you think otherwise you’re a boring person or you’re in denial or worse, in denial about being a boring person.
The idea here is that Jeff Jarrett decides to cut ties with TNA and start ANOTHER promotion. The one thing about TNA, especially back then, is the “southern feel”. It felt like old WCW/NWA when it started. Granted it WAS NWA/TNA, it still had that deep-south vibe as opposed to the 2000 era of lame WCW. So Jarrett’s new company would go even MORE south. The promotion would be based in the swaps of Louisana. Think “Duck Dynasty” or where “The Water Boy” lived in the movie “The Water Boy”. There would be lilly-pad turnbuckles, snake skin ropes, hyde canvas, and randomness like that. It would be over the top with it and really go for the rednecks and redneck mockers. It could easily be on CMT. For fun we’ll call this promotion “Bayou Assault Dynasty”, or “BAD” for short. It makes sense as a joke and it could legit be marketed as “BADLANDS” or something like that.
From there, the roster would be filled out with guys who aren’t in TNA or WWE. This is not a great field of wrestlers. Especially because instead of going for X-Division style or Ring of Honor types, BAD would have a “Super Sized Division” purely for wrestlers over 350 lbs. It’s a southern style fed so expect at least four fat gross guys in overalls being around. The big names would have to be guys like Rikishi, Big Vis, Samoa Joe, Vader, Blue Meanie, and others of the like. They wouldn’t even have a belt for this division because in BAD the “Super Sized” Champion gets to PROUDLY wear the “Super Sized Championship Dress”! Thing of the ratings!
It wouldn’t just be the big guys though. Jarrett would have to be the main focus of the main event. He would take on the character of Jeffery Jarrett, a southern gentleman butler who serves up southern fried ass kickings. Instead of using guitars it would be serving trays and white glove slaves. The main championship in BAD would be decided via Pinfall, submission, or duel. Yes, they would have old timey duels where they’d each get a loaded gun and be forced to take ten paces forward before turning around and shooting. Jarrett would be a heel because he’d constantly use his serving tray as a bullet proof shield.
BAD would have bi-weekly pay per views, duels, fat guys in dresses, snake bites being as common as count outs, and way higher ratings than TNA.
Now that I think about it, this BAD idea would be A LOT more interesting and amusing than TNA.
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