BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“WWE’s New Health Measures!”
The world of professional sports is an ever evolving one. The stat leaders and record holders constantly see new athletes show up and take their glory and place in history. It’s one of the coolest things about sports. Being able to see someone set a new record and blazing new trails is always fun. It’s all about the milestones and memories.
Another aspect that keeps evolving in sports is the health measures. Steroid testing and drug testing happens in all major league sports. Professional basketball, football, baseball, and hockey have all adapted their rules and regulations to make it safer for their athletes to perform. It ensures people don’t get killed in the game and it sets a good example for the kids who play the sports at home and at school. It’s only natural that professional wrestling would change with the times as well.
Over the past few decade or so the WWE has gone from TV-14 to being a PG product for children. Plenty of moves have been “banned” from being used that long time fans have grown up on. This means pile drivers, chair shots to head, blood, and excessive violence is now frowned upon. It sucks, but it DOES help the performers last longer. I’m all for preservation, but I still miss the old style. I don’t see any reason these things couldn’t be used to very special occasions to make a story seem that much more important. I just wish the possibility was still there for us to ponder “What If” about while watching. It restricts the imagination and makes a choreographed production look even more staged.
There is no reason to think this is going to change. If anything it’ll change for the worse. I again want to say I don’t want anyone to EVER get hurt and I’d love for everyone in wrestling to live long natural lives. But where does it end? The illusion of violence and a battle is being watered down every year in the WWE. It’s only going to get worse.
I could see specialized sparring gloves becoming mandatory for all wrestlers to make sure someone really gets hit by another man’s knuckle. Maybe they could institute a round system ike boxing or MMA. WWE matches will consist of three rounds of 2 minutes each. Of course title matches will get 3 minute rounds.
Promos will change. People will get into feuds and apologize before ANYTHING happens in the ring. Imagine wrestlers trying to sincerely apologize to each other after disagreements. It would be so heart warming. If there isn’t a positive moral ending to every episode of Monday Night Raw then the company refunds the money. It’s a guaranteed, feel good, and safe experience for the entire family!
How long before the WWE institutes EXTRA padding? The turn post, the stairs, and even the ringside tapes will all be covered in thick padding. The ropes, ring, and outside mats would be covered in EXTRA padding as well. It would be one big moon bounce where people chain wrestle with painful smiles on their faces the entire time until both men are declared co-winner of the WWE Anti-Bully Championship.
Yes, the WWE will eventually unify the WWE and World Title and call it the “WWE Anti-Bullying Championship”.
You can only win by doing good deeds!
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