BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“Vince McMahon is Removed From CEO!”
There is no respect in the world of wrestling. When there is down time or when sometime happens that fans generally don’t like they call for the heads of whoever is in charge. How many times do we have to hear that Triple H is “burying” someone or that Stephanie McMahon is evil, or lately, “Vince McMahon should be removed from the role of CEO”. Despite the fact that the WWE is his baby. Before he came and revolutionized the very thing people are taking ownership over, wrestling was a circus side show. It was big emotionless men grappling. It was always a show, but Vince McMahon made it as a spectacle. He has a vision and he takes chances. Sometimes those chances don’t live up to expectations or doesn’t go exactly how people would want, but it’s his game to play. He owns the WWE. Yes, it’s a “publically traded company” but so what? There would be no company to trade without him. When you take the RISK of investing into the WWE stock, you’re putting your money on Vince McMahon. You’re not investing in an entertainment company or an entity. You’re investing in the mind of the man who gave us decades of amazing things. Even if you want to be jaded and complain and point to others, it’s hard to not have it all go back to Vince. You can say “Well, uh, I liked WCW” or “screw that man! I like in the indies!”. WCW was directly affected by their main competition… Vince! Everyone on the indies watched WWE and had that dream of being a superstar. It doesn’t matter if they’re in a Chicago “Fieldhouse” or working in Japan. Those “workers” have watched a WrestleMania and had the thought and pipedream that it could be them.
But screw it. Let’s take the creation from the creator.
Vince McMahon and the McMahon family is removed from the CEO and top spots of the company. Since it’s publically traded they have to elect someone to take the spot. The spot will go to a stuffy suit with stars in their eyes and creative intentions. They hire someone new to take over the helm. Here are a few changes we could expect…
The company changes completely. There is no longer any “strikes” because hitting is wrong. They enforce a “grapple-only” rule and if someone is overwhelmed in their match up the umpires (no more refs) will stop the match and award the victory. It’ll be like the UFC, but without the impact.
Each wrestler will be sponsored by corporations and have to wear full body suits similar to NASCAR racers. This allows companies to buy space on each person’s gear to advertise.
Head gear. Wrestlers will have to wear padded helmets to protect them from headshots and neck problems. If one’s headgear is removed the match is instantly called off so the medical staff and check for a concussion. No rematches. Each wrestler’s record is “W-L-D-NC”. That’s Wins, Losses, Draws, and No Contests.
Season Schedules. They won’t stop the action, but they will have season schedules. The wrestlers are all broken off into their own divisions like the NHL, NFL, or NBA. There is a Western, Eastern, Central, and Mountain division. This forces the wrestlers to face off against the same people every week in scheduled bouts. There are no feuds or rivalries. Just organized matches. The records are kept and at the end of every few months one wrestler from each division face off to become that year’s “WWE Champion”. This would allow networks to organize what matches they’d pick up.
Rounds! Each match-up will be broken up into rounds. UFC does this, boxing does this, and all major sports have quarters, periods, or innings. This allows commercial breaks, chances to plug sponsors, and a chance to protect the talent. Each match, win or lose, is 3 rounds of 3 minutes. 9 minute time limit.
The networks would suck. There is no way the major networks would want on board. WWE would be on FoxSports2, MTV2, Nickelodeon, and the Network would be erased a replaced with a Pay Per View subscription that would cost $25.99 a month. With that you’d get to see the pay per views a week after those who buy them via traditional cable and satellite providers. With the schedule platform introduced. The PPVs would basically be the “Monday Night Football” of the WWE. These would have extra rules like “2 out of 3 falls” and “5 rounds instead of 3”. Of course the “Finals” and “Playoffs” would be on PPV as well.
Plus… There are no more characters. Each wrestler uses their real name and can only cut studio promos on their opponents. Belts are gone and replaced with the annual Championship trophy. The ring gets more padding and the front row is covered by a big MLB-styled netting so fans don’t get hurt by any chance. They wouldn’t because it would suck and no one would be allowed to leave the ring. But still, we can’t take any risks. Not in the NEW WWE.
Yay wrestling!
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