BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“A WWE Theme Park!”
The WWE has everything now. It has a publically traded stock, many television programs, a network, tons of tour dates around the world, and is pretty much the monopoly of professional wrestling branded entertainment. Over the years the product has been aimed more towards children and a very young demographic. For better or for worse, this is the decision the company continues to stick by while edgier content goes on around them. For the WWE in this day and are, it’s all for the kids.
Kids LOVE theme parks!
So naturally the WWE would have to develop it’s only Disneyland/Six Flags bastardized play town, “THE WWE UNIVERSE”. Yeah, it’s close to “Universal Studios”, but the WWE just calling their park “THE WWE THEME PARK” or “WWELAND” would be stupid. Yep. THAT is where I draw the line.
The WWE Universe would be GREAT.
To stick true to the PG theme, the roller coasters would not exceed the speed of a brisk walk. There will be nothing of risk or danger involved with these WWE branded roller coasters.
It doesn’t end there. Imagine the characters in costumes walking around to greet the fans. Big cartoon versions of John Cena, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Sheamus, and Diesel all stroll around and wave, but never EVER have the time to stop and take a picture or sign an autograph unless there is a video camera or media member around.
The WWE Universe would be able to VOTE for things because you know, the “WWE is interactive”! Park patrons can text and vote for what flavor of WWE Superstar flavored water is the BEST! What official T-shirt is the coolest?! It would basically be a focus group where the focus is duped into providing the company with the exact data they need to satisfy the fan base and make more money.
The WWE would put this in the same location as a training facility because it would allow them to use their trainees as park workers.
A weekly television show would be filmed at the WWE Universe every week. It would be called “TNA Impact.” I’ll let YOUR imagine run wild on that one.
It’s ALL there! The hit and miss excitement of a 2 hour experience has now been extended to a three hour chore extravaganza.
Bring your children!
If you hate them.
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